The New Death and others Read Online Free Page A

into each others eyes,
needing no words (which is lucky, because the McDonald's in Hell
constantly have eight separate toddlers' birthday parties happening
at once). One weekend they visited the county unfair. They ate
fairy floss made from real fairies, and rode on the emotional
rollercoaster. Afterwards they walked along, simply holding claws,
looking up at the moonlight streaming through the hole in Ozzy
Osbourne's back yard. The lyrics to songs suddenly seemed
meaningful: Lilly was embarrassed to find herself shedding a tear
at Hail, Bringer of Torture . They gave each other their
hearts, as well as several others.
    "O darkness of my life," the incubus said one
day as they lay in bed, tails entwined, "wilt thou allow me to
visit thee over the long weekend? I have a surprise."
    "O Snuggle-Maggot," Lilly replied, "I
will."
    It was a balmy 1000 degrees when the
incubus arrived. He sat in a fine carriage, drawn by two murderers,
who had been condemned for setting fire to the
homeless( 6 ). When Lilly answered her
door, he presented her with a blindfold.
    "I fear to spoil the surprise," he explained.
Lilly leaned against him as they rode, listening to the pleasantly
anguished moans of the murderers as the coach-imp whipped them to
go faster, or simply for the joy of whipping.
    "We have arrived," the incubus said at last.
He held her by the arm as she stepped from the coach.
    "Do not remove the blindfold yet," he said,
and gently guided her, until she heard the creak of a door opening,
and he sat her on a seat that felt hard and wooden.
    "Remove thy blindfold now," he said at last.
She did so--and found herself in a prison cell.
    "Lilith O'Diferous, you are hereby detained
under the Ironic Comeuppance Act," said the incubus. "You are
charged that you did, on various dates, ironically punish the
damned. This is both compulsory and illegal according to government
policy."
    "Betrayed!" Lilly cried, heartbroken. "Alas,
I have been so naive. Was thy love all a sham?" she asked.
    "It was!" replied the incubus. "You, who
arranged ironic punishments for others, are thyself punished. You
who scourged the lustful are undone by your own lust--is this not
itself ironic?" the incubus laughed.
    "But...wait," Lilly replied. "If I am to be
ironically punished for punishing others ironically, does this not
mean that you will be likewise punished for punishing me?" The
incubus stared at her for a moment.
    "Oh hell," he said.
     
    1 Authors Note: I myself used to do
this. But I repunted. (back)
     
    2 $6.66 in decimal currency. (back)
     
    3 They had been hired through a timp
agency. (back)
     
    4 It was Hellvetica. (back)
     
    5 They served evil spirits. (back)
     
    6 They were flaming hobo sexuals. (back)
     
    (back to contents)
     
    ++++
     
    Under the Pyramids
     
    Based on the story of the same name by H.P.
Lovecraft.
     
    Cairo is a story-book
    and Cairo is a dream
    where all the fates the world awaits
    were long ago foreseen.
     
    The smoky, incense-thickened air
    the water-seller's cry
    the wailing of the call to prayer
    unchanging as the sky.
     
    The sky itself a miracle
    a deep and cloudless jewel.
    The sunrise like the eye of God
    all-seeing, golden, cruel
     
    for not all dreams are happy, nor
    do stories always end
    with monsters killed and treasures won
    and coming home again.
     
    Both beautiful and hideous
    unsullied and unclean
    Cairo is a story-book
    and Cairo is a dream.
     
    ---
     
    I left the noise and crowds behind
    and walked into the dunes.
    Night came and I was all alone
    save for the crescent moon.
     
    Save for the moon, and for the past
    and for the desert wind
    that whispered like a pack of ghouls
    reciting every sin.
     
    Before me, blotting out the stars
    I saw the pyramids.
    One seemed to call me forth, and I
    approached as I was bid.
     
    I walked toward the monoliths
    an ant before a lion
    cowed like an ancient Israelite
    enslaved and far from Zion.
     
    No God saw fit to rescue me.
    I walked till I