The New Bottoming Book Read Online Free Page B

don't like: individual differences are valid and important. For example, one man might hate any kind of pain on his scrotum, while another might adore it. Sometimes these differences are surprising: one of your authors hugely enjoys having her nipples bitten and pinched, while the other can't tolerate the lightest touch there.

    If your scene will include sex, it's a good idea to let a new partner know the particulars of what works for you to reach orgasm. Do you need clitoral stimulation? A firm grip? Lubricant? A particular position?

    Finally, you want to tell your partner how you get turned on, and you want to know how to turn your partner on. A play date is, after all, a commitment to get together, get turned on, and do lots of hot stuff. But what if you get nervous and you can t find your turn-on? Well, nobody gets turned on by magic. If you think about it, there are activities that get you there: the sucking of ears and stroking of necks is a common route. Or maybe tell me a dirty story, or take your clothes off real slow, or take my clothes off real slow... Many of the routes to finding your
    turn-on when it doesn't show up simply from the magic of opportunity can be discovered by simple common sense. Start with sensual stimulations that pose no challenge: massage, light flogging, touching of less sensitive parts of the body are good warmups for most folks. Intense stimulation and direct stimulation can come later.

    So there you are. Stan out getting turned on talking about what you like, tell them the necessities in the middle, and then get hot again with what turns you on... and you're ready to play.

    Can You Negotiate In Role? Good negotiation is best cone between equals. You may find communities in which this principle is not universally adhered to, but we believe that you can play more, with more people, more safely, and go further out on the edge, if you start from the position of two equals negotiating something they both want to do. They do not become tops or bottoms until the scene begins.

    Negotiating in role is not actually an exception to this principle of negotiating between equals, as long as it is understood by both parties that the top has made a commitment to hear and respect the bottoms limits and desires. Remember that you, as a bottom, still deserve complete respect for your limits and desires.

    However, there is an increased danger of missed communications when you negotiate in role. Consider, for example, this dialogue. Top: "Seems to me you deserve a good spanking with this hairbrush, my little slut." Bottom (in role as obedient slave): "If it pleases you, sir or madam" — or bottom (in role as reluctant victim): "No! Please! Not the hairbrush!" In either case, the top has no guide to the bottoms real feelings, and the poor bottom, who may have been nonconsensually brutalized by hairbrush spankings as a child and be terrified of anything with bristles, winds up safewording out of the scene while the top wonders what she did wrong.

    Partners who have been playing together for a while may understand one another's limits and communication style well enough to overcome these obstacles, and all of us sometimes need to negotiate in role in when something unexpected comes up. Experienced players accept this need and develop a language that works for them.
    Sometimes the bottom might say 'I will do that if it is your desire" which, by agreement, might mean "I really don't want to but I also don't want to mess up this scene." The old convention of having the bottom kiss the whip offers an opportunity for the bottom to evaluate his readiness for the particular object in mind, and, again in role, might offer: "Sir, I could probably take more of that for you if you flogged me with the soft one first." Because of the possibilities for misunderstanding, and because one of your authors becomes conspicuously nonverbal the minute she gets turned on, we do not negotiate play in role with new partners or