his voice thick. He paused. “I wish you’d look at me.”
I gave him a puzzled look.
“You never look at me when I’m inside
you.”
I opened my mouth to respond, but nothing
came out. He’d left me speechless once again.
Will was right. I hardly ever looked at him,
even with him deep inside me, when there was no sense trying to
keep any distance between us. I never thought he cared whether I
looked at him or not.
“I…I didn’t think it mattered,” I said
weakly.
I recognized the silent mode he went into. He
rarely pouted, but when I pissed him off enough, he’d sit there
trying to think of something to say. I could feel his mind reeling,
searching for words that never seemed to come. Sometimes I couldn’t
figure him out.
I drew in a breath. “Look, if you don’t like
the way I—”
“It’s not that.”
“Then what is it?” I asked, shrinking away at
the thought of what the answer might be.
“I brought you here so I could tell you
something. But I have no idea what you’ll say if I do.”
When the silence came over him again, I
touched his arm. I knew this is why he’d brought me here, to tell
me something, but I didn’t want him to.
“I love you,” he said.
I froze. Dead silence filled the air. I
couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think. I went numb.
“I wanted to tell you tonight over dinner. I
thought about how I was going to tell you the past two weeks. I’ve
wanted to tell you for a long time.”
Every muscle in my body weakened. His steely
eyes met mine, and I’d never seen anything more earnest.
“The night before I left you asked if I was
going to see anyone else in New York. Hell, I don’t want to look at
anyone but you. I want us to have a future, whatever you can
handle. I know your ex ruined it for you. I know the past few years
weren’t exactly fun for you. I thought if I told you how I feel,
and what I want from you, you’d run away. So I’ll start slow. I’m
in love with you, and you’re the only woman I want to be with.
Ever.”
I stood there, my mouth agape. My
astonishment turned to anger, and I could barely hold back my
tears. How could he do this?
“That’s starting slow?” I choked out.
He watched me with a pained look in his eyes
as I climbed out of bed. When I didn’t move or say anything, but
just stood there watching him, he rolled over, like he couldn’t
stand to look at me anymore.
I threw on a t-shirt and shorts, slipped on a
pair of sandals, and snatched a room key off the dresser. Tears
stung my eyes while I reached the door. I glanced back, but he
didn’t look at me as I opened it. He lay on his back staring at the
ceiling, one hand under his head. I ran as fast I could on my
shaking legs, out into the hallway and out of the hotel, needing to
escape the thoughts swirling in my mind.
I ran down to the beach, and just before I
reached the water I fell into the sand and cried. His words echoed
all around me, and I was furious with him for saying them. How
could he ruin this? Why did he pick tonight? This weekend? Why did
he have to make what we had into something it wasn’t? So we’d had
some laughs. So I liked his company. So I went out of my mind with
pleasure every time we fucked.
I sobbed, my face buried in my hands.
Adrianne’s words echoed, too. Time to move on. It’s about
time.
I’d denied it, but if I hadn’t been moving
on, what had I been doing all this time?
I watched the rhythmic flow of waves crashing
on the beach. I shivered, but not from the cool, wet sand beneath
me. The salty ocean air I breathed in cleared my head, and I had no
choice but to admit the truth I’d known all along.
I already knew he loved me. I knew it every
time he touched my arm, held the door for me, or put his hands on
me. Every time he looked at me I knew he loved me. I’d known along
that’s why he’d brought me here tonight, and I’d known what he’d
wanted to tell me. I’d thought if I could distract him enough, he
wouldn’t be