The Ministry of SUITs Read Online Free

shook both their hands vigorously. “Very good. My name is Grey. Now, we were discussing bears. In a forest the bear is king. Top dog, or rather top bear. Except for one thing.”
    David’s eyes lit up. “There’s a bigger animal that lives in the forest?”
    â€œNot an animal,” said Grey. “It’s a…”
    â€œA tree,” Jack said.
    Grey tilted his head to one side and looked at Jack. His eyes narrowed, as if he was looking at a very hard math equation. It made Jack squirm.
    â€œQuite right, Jack. The only thing that the bear isn’t king of is the tree. Trees are bigger than bears. Did you know that bears scratch and bite trees with their teeth and claws? Now, biologists 13 will tell you that they’re sharpening their claws. But think about it. That’s a ridiculous explanation. Have you ever used a knife against a tree? It won’t make it sharp, it makes it blunt.”
    Jack nodded at this. When he was seven years old he’d tried to make a tree house in the garden. In order to get wood he had tried to cut down a cherry tree with a kitchen knife. His mother had been furious when the knife was returned with an edge that was as dull as a double math class on a sunny day.
    Grey continued, “So if they aren’t sharpening their claws on the trees, why are they doing it?”
    Something popped into Jack’s head. “Because they’re attacking the trees?”
    Grey took a step backward. Jack had read about people taking a step back in surprise, but this was the first time he’d ever actually seen it happen in real life. “How did you know that?” asked Grey.
    â€œJack’s always thinking about things like that. He thinks too much if you ask me,” said David.
    â€œThinks too much?” Grey mused to himself. “Jack, I think I should speak to you by yourself.”
    â€œAnd how will you do that?” asked David. “I’m right here.”
    Grey opened his black umbrella. “Here, hold this.” He thrust it into David’s hands.
    â€œWhat?” David said. “But it isn’t raining.” 14
    â€œOh,” said Grey, “I don’t suppose it is, is it?” Grey snapped his fingers and the umbrella abruptly closed up again. Unfortunately as David was holding it, it snapped closed on his head, also half pinning his arms to his sides.
    â€œMmmmphhhh,” said David as he frantically ran around trying to free himself.
    â€œWhat have you done?” Jack cried.
    â€œI just want to talk to you without your friend interrupting us.”
    David was running up and down the street and making muffled yet indignant noises.
    â€œThe umbrella won’t hurt him. He’s perfectly safe,” Grey reassured Jack.
    David chose this point to run slap-bang into a lamppost. The noise of his nose crashing against the metal rang out.
    â€œPerfectly safe?” asked Jack.
    â€œTo be fair, I said the umbrella wouldn’t hurt him. Which is true. It was the lamppost that hurt him. But let’s move him away from the traffic just in case.”
    Between the two of them they escorted David into a chair outside the café. David sat in it silently.
    â€œThere you go,” said Grey, smiling. “He seems to be a lot quieter now … Well, either that or he’s concussed.”
    â€œConcussed!”
    â€œHe’s probably not concussed. It really is a very high-quality umbrella. Thick material, frightfully waterproof.”
    Jack thought to himself that wasn’t really a recommendation. Most umbrellas were waterproof. It was their role in life to be so. However, relatively few umbrellas were lamppost-proof.
    â€œOkay,” said Grey, “so why do you think bears attack trees?”
    Jack shrugged. “I don’t know … Umm, bears are bullies?”
    â€œEureka!” yelled Grey, who was doing a little dance around Jack. The dance was frankly