The Ministry of SUITs Read Online Free Page A

ridiculous. Jack felt embarrassed for the both of them. Normally Jack did not feel embarrassed for other people. However, Grey looked as if he was too busy dancing to be embarrassed, so it seemed the polite thing to do.
    Grey stopped dancing. “You got it in one—bears are bullies. And bears attack trees because trees are the only thing that’s bigger than them in the woods. Of course after attacking half a dozen trees, a bear realizes that a tree is much tougher than he is. Trees don’t flinch, don’t bleed, don’t scream. Trees seem invulnerable to the bears.”
    Jack shook his head. “Still not getting it. So why are bears scared of chairs?”
    â€œEasy!” said the still-jubilant Grey. “Bears know that trees are tough. And yet you appeared to the bear as if you were a man who could not only kill a tree, but one who could bend and shape a tree’s body into the shape of a wooden chair. You had power over a tree!”
    Jack thought about this. It sounded ridiculous, but also completely logical. If the best a bear could do to a tree was leave a few claw marks, it would be terrified of anyone who had taken an enormous piece of timber and turned it into a chair.
    â€œWow,” said Jack. “So that’s why lion tamers use chairs as well.”
    â€œPrecisely, most woodland and forest animals are scared of a person holding a chair, because it shows that they can kill trees. Jack, my boy, you are quite brilliant.”
    Jack smiled. He had always wondered why lion tamers used chairs. Now he knew. He loved explanations because they made the world slightly more organized, slightly more sensible.
    â€œWe could use a boy like you, Jack,” Grey said. “If you’re interested, come and visit me at my work.” He walked over to David and, with a flick of his wrist, freed him from the umbrella. David sullenly rubbed his bruised nose as Grey turned sharply on his heel and strode off.
    â€œWait a minute,” Jack called after him. “You could use me for what? And anyway, how do I know where you work?”
    Without breaking stride Grey shouted over his shoulder. “Jack, if you’re half the boy I think you are, you’ll be able to figure out where I work without much trouble.”
    Jack watched as Grey walked into the distance. With most other boys that would have been the last that they saw of Grey, but Jack was far too curious to allow that to happen.
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    MINISTRY OF S.U.I.T.S HANDBOOK
    JUNGLE AND WOODLAND ANIMALS
    F EAR OF C HAIRS
    Anyone with any level of education is clearly aware that most woodland-, forest-, and jungle-dwelling animals are scared of chairs.
    However, it is important to state that not all animals are afraid of chairs. Elephants aren’t, for example. Elephants are big enough to push over trees and therefore aren’t even vaguely scared of them. However, elephants are scared of pianos as they think the white keys are all made of ivory. This is the reason why you never see an elephant at an Elton John concert. Which is a shame, really, because elephants love touching, romantic ballads.
    Incidentally, elephants are wrong about the white keys on pianos being made from ivory.
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    5
    A GIRL CALLED TRUDY WHO HAS A REPUTATION FOR MOODINESS
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    Jack and David ran through the school gates and sprinted into the main building in a desperate bid to avoid being late. David had been trying to move more quickly than was sensible and ran smack into a girl. They both tumbled to the ground in a flurry of limbs.
    Jack started over to help them up, but before he had even completed a single step the girl was already on her feet. She had moved almost impossibly fast, so quickly she almost seemed to blur.
    David was on his feet again and he dusted himself off. However, he had barely been on his feet for five seconds when he fell down again and curled himself into a tiny ball.
    â€œUmm, what are you doing?” asked