The Life You Longed For Read Online Free

were still cold, feeling pensive and sad. Did anyone ever know what was happening with anyone else? Ever really know? She thought of how easily she had just disappeared from her own life for a few hours and of how easily she had simply returned, standing here now in sweatpants, reading the mail, nibbling one of her daughter’s cookies. How no one who knew her would ever guess, not just where she had been, but who . Someone else. She closed her eyes, pictured Noah lifting her in a bear hug, and felt an ache settle in her chest.
    â€œMama, did you try the cookies me and Grandma made?” Erin leaned her elbows on the counter and propped her chin in her hands. No one had combed her hair today, and she’d lost another tooth last week. She looked like a waif.
    â€œYour cookies are absolutely great, honey-bunny.” She cupped Erin’s face in her hands, pushing her curly hair from her eyes. “Are you leaving some for Santa tonight?”
    Erin nodded. “That’s what Grandma asked me.”
    â€œWhat’d Grandma ask?” Max slouched into a chair at the table.
    Grace glanced at him. “You look tired, honey. How was hockey today?”
    â€œ Bad . I really need new skates, mom.” The Bauer 400s in the back of her SUV.
    â€œWell, did you ask Santa?
    â€œMom.”
    She grinned. “Max.”
    From the next room came the shudder of the automatic garage opening. “Daddy’s home! Daddy’s home! Daddy’s home!” Jack shouted, hurrying for the door, yanking his mini suitcase on wheels—his oxygen canister—behind him.
    â€œMama, why is your face so red?” Erin asked.
    Grace lifted her palm to the side of her windburned face. “Is it?”
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    â€œIf you could be any animal, what would you be?” Stephen read the question from the rectangle of colored paper Jack had pulled from the glass candy jar. The jar was filled with similar questions written on scraps of colored paper and folded into squares; If you could change the sky to any color besides blue, what color would you choose? If you could relive one day of your life, what day would that be?
    â€œThis is so stupid,” Max said now around a bite of cheesesteak.
    â€œAnytime you want to write your own questions,” Grace said.
    â€œ No, Mama,” Erin whined. “He’ll just write things about hockey.”
    The question jar was a gift from one of Grace’s mother’s friends who was a creative writer. They took turns picking the questions each night.
    Stephen grabbed a handful of potato chips. “What animal would you be, Erin?”
    Erin cocked her head to the side, thinking. Grace caught Stephen’s eye and smiled. He’d come home with Philly cheesesteaks—extra hot peppers for him, onions for Grace—their Christmas Eve tradition. And now a glass of Merlot, the snow falling…This is enough, she thought, guiltily thinking of Noah. This is more than enough.
    â€œI’d be a polar bear,” Erin announced.
    â€œYou mean a Teddy bear?” Max laughed.
    â€œMama,” Erin whined. “Why does he always make fun of my answers?”
    â€œHe’s teasing,” Grace said. “Tell us why you would be a bear.” She leaned forward and took another bite of cheesesteak. Sautéed onions dripped onto her plate.
    â€œâ€™Cause I could play in the snow all day and not get cold.” She glared at Max, who rolled his eyes and muttered, “I’d be anything that lives alone.”
    â€œLike a snake?” Erin said.
    â€œNo, not like a snake,” Max mimicked.
    Jack laughed. “Max is snake, Mama!”
    Grace pointed at him. “ You are a little instigator.”
    â€œNo, you gator, Mama.”
    Erin giggled. “Not alli gator, silly.”
    â€œI’d be a bird,” Grace said. A brown pelican. At this time of the season! Noah had once traced his finger over her sternum and told her,