The Legend of Kevin the Plumber Read Online Free Page B

wheel. I hadn’t missed putting the friggin chain back on or the grinding sound the big end bearings made when I pedalled.
    â€˜You’ve got to look after it,’ Mario whined.
    â€˜Of course.’
    â€˜Like your last bike?’ Sharon said, and scoffed.
    â€˜That was Gel. It wasn’t me. He stacked it.’
    Mum slapped my shin. ‘Never your fault, hey, Gary?’
    â€˜Yes. Well, it’s not.’
    Mum glared.
    Trixie came tick-tacking along the hall. Sharon picked her up and dumped her on the end of my bed. The dog went spacko. Mum patted her and she rubbed her face onmy doona and snuffled. She eventually curled up like she was set for the night.
    â€˜Tomorrow morning,’ Mario said. ‘First thing. We’ll go bike shopping.’
    I poked my bottom lip out but inside I was smiling like a retard. ‘The shops won’t open until nine.’
    â€˜Yep, and we’ll be there when they do.’
    â€˜What do you want for your birthday from me?’ Sharon asked again.
    â€˜I don’t know. You think of something.’
    â€˜Get him a girlfriend, Shaz,’ Mum suggested.
    â€˜Yeah, a blow-up one,’ Mario said.
    â€˜No,’ Mum said. ‘A real flesh and bone one. With your resources, Shaz, that shouldn’t be too much of a challenge. Then maybe he’d be motivated to clean up his bloody room.’
    â€˜Yeah, likely,’ I said.
    â€˜Ness would go out with him tomorrow, grotty room or not.’
    I groaned. Sharon’s mate Vanessa had had the hots for me since primary school. It was torture when I stayed down in grade six. Vanessa and the twins (who also managed to stay down at the end of grade six) were the only people in the world who were glad that I stayed down. Vanessa could bother me for another year and Aggie and Gel couldn’t hang shit on me for attracting a preppy — Vanessa was in grade one the second time I was in grade six.
    â€˜She’s coming on Saturday,’ Sharon said.
    â€˜Where?’
    â€˜To my sleepover.’
    â€˜I’m out of here.’
    Mario and Mum laughed. Mum shook my knee and left. Mario slapped her on the bum as she went past and then followed her into the kitchen.
    â€˜What do you really want?’ Sharon asked again.
    â€˜I really don’t know.’
    She rolled her eyes and left. Trixie sighed and licked her lips. I put my headphones on and lay back on my pillow. Soon I could smell dinner. My guess was hamburgers. The smell changed suddenly and I realised with a groan that the scent of hamburgers had been overpowered by chumpy dog fart. I shoved at Trixie and my finger pressed against the warm wetness of her bumhole.
    For the first time in quite a few years, I washed my hands before dinner. Without being asked.

Four
    S haron was bouncing on my bed sometime before dawn. ‘Happy birthday, Gaz. You awake yet? Come on, wake up. I want to give you your present before I go to school.’
    I groaned and rolled over, covering my head with my pillow. My sister’s hands were straight under the doona and tickling my feet.
    â€˜Fuck off!’ I shouted into the bed.
    â€˜Birthday, birthday,’ she chanted.
    I flipped and sat up, trying — unsuccessfully — not to smile.
    Sharon dropped a purple package on my doona. ‘Birthday. Come on, open it. I’ve got to go.’
    It was a beanie. A black beanie with a shiny green mull leaf stitched on the front.
    â€˜Cool,’ I croaked.
    â€˜I knew you’d like it. I found it in Chrissy Bay about a month ago. I’ve been busting to give it to you.’
    I pulled it on and patted it down. ‘So that was all bullshit asking me what I wanted last night?’
    She nodded. ‘Looks great. Do you like it?’
    â€˜Yeah. Excellent. Fanks.’
    Mum barged in, dressing-gown flapping. ‘Is he awake? Happy birthday, Gary.’
    Mum gave me a pair of dirty-black jeans and a Metallica t-shirt with