The Legend of Kevin the Plumber Read Online Free

behind the office laughed. It echoed around the metal walls until it sounded like a flock of bass kookaburras.
    â€˜Is Phil in, Pip?’ Mario asked.
    â€˜Yep. Just a sec. I’ll page him on the intercom,’ she said, and stepped back from her desk. She cupped her hands around her mouth and shouted. ‘Oi Phil!’
    â€˜Yes, love?’ came a voice from the depths of nowhere.
    â€˜Muzza’s here. Got a minute?’
    A man appeared at the door of the shed. ‘G’day, Muzza!’
    They shook hands.
    â€˜This is my young bloke, Gary. Gaz, this is Phil Wasser.’
    The bloke’s big hand swallowed my palm and my fingers and — it felt like — half my arm. He grabbed on but he didn’t hurt me.
    â€˜Good to meet you, Gary. What can I do for you guys?’
    â€˜Well,’ Mario said, and looked at the door of the office. ‘It’s about the young bloke . . . ’
    Phil put his giant hand in the middle of my back and led me towards his office. ‘Let’s just slip in here, ay?’
    He closed the door behind us.
    â€˜The young bloke needs some work, I was wondering if . . . ’
    â€˜Can you handle a shovel, Gary?’
    Handle a shovel? Not exactly high-tech. ‘Yeah.’
    â€˜Dave, one of my labourers, is going on holidays next week. I can’t guarantee anything permanent, but if it works out you’d get four weeks at least.’
    Mario was beaming. ‘What do you reckon?’
    Pushing a shovel? Every day for four weeks? I couldn’t be stuffed. My shoulders crept forward and Mario slapped me on the back.
    â€˜Come on, Gaz, show a bit of enthusiasm. Some work, mate. That’s what we were looking for.’
    â€˜Yeah, cool,’ I said. ‘Fanks, Mr Wasser. Fanks heaps.’
    He shook my hand again. ‘No problems, Gary. Call me Phil.’
    He asked if we had any overalls and said that I’d start on the second of March. My guts were bubbling like I needed a crap and no words made it past my lips. I couldn’t tell you if I was excited or scared. Probably both.
    Mario said we had overalls at home. ‘Second of March is next Tuesday, isn’t it?’
    â€˜Yeah. Monday is a rostered day off. Half the crew doesn’t come in that Monday.’
    We left Phil’s office as quickly as we’d entered.
    That’s it? That was all there was to getting a job?
    â€˜Any paperwork to fill in?’ Mario asked.
    Phil screwed up his nose. ‘We’ll worry about that when Gary starts.’
    Mario and Phil shook hands again and a sound like a gunshot made me jump. Laughter echoed from the depths of the shed.
    â€˜Oi!’ Phil shouted. ‘Settle down, you blokes.’
    An incredible hulk of a man with sandy-coloured curls ducked through the doorway and placed some paperwork on Pip’s desk. She thanked him and he grumbled a reply. He had a thick reddy brown beard that muffled his words and a scowl that had permanently creased his face.
    â€˜What’s going on in there, Kevin?’ Phil asked.
    The big bloke shrugged. ‘Just Homer in fine form.’
    â€˜Kick him in the arse for me, will you?’
    Kevin snorted but his lips didn’t smile. I felt the concrete shake as he ducked back through the door into the shed.
    I closed the door, put my seatbelt on and crossed my arms.
Mario started the engine.
    He cackled. ‘That’s how easy it is, Gaz. The door’s open.’
    He twisted in his seat to face me. He cupped his hands full of air and emptied them onto my lap. ‘It’s up to you now. You work your bum off while you’re there and they’ll give you more work. Guaranteed. You’ll probably get a job out of it.’
    Yeah, and who’d want a job like that? Shovelling shit with a pack of circus freaks. Get the money together. That’s all I needed to do. Just a few hundred dollars to get me to Queensland and Dad would find me a decent job.