The Journal: Ash Fall Read Online Free

us
some iced tea,” I said. I took my time getting our drinks. I found
a tray, set the glasses filled with ice cubes, added the sugar
bowl, wondering if he took his cold tea as sweet-tea like many
southerners do, then I placed a small pitcher filled with golden
herbal tea in the center.
     
    * * *
     
    The wooden picnic table that nestled between
the tall maple trees was my birthday present from Jason last year
and was well shaded with the newly sprouting leaves. The sun was
streaming through and dappled the pine boards with splashes of
muted green. I intentionally set the tray to the side as I didn’t
want anything obstructing my view of John. I could see he had put a
little weight back on, and his face was less pale, like he had been
spending some time in the sun. He looked wonderful to me. I
silently poured some tea into each glass and set one glass in front
of myself, allowing him to take his own. I took a tentative sip,
mostly to quench my too dry throat. There was a time when the
ensuing silence would have been companionable. Now it was awkward,
with each of us waiting for the other to say something.
    John set a ring of car keys on the table
between us. “These are for you.”
    “What do you mean?” I asked, only glancing at
the keys.
    “I bought you a new car. Well it’s not
new-new, but the newest one I could get. Automotive manufacturing
has shut down.” He pointed over his shoulder to the minty green
SUV. “And before you say anything, I know you need a new car and
that you haven’t gotten one because of all the money you sank into
your preps. Preps that kept not only you and your family alive this
past winter, but me too. This is my way of saying thank you,
Allex.”
    “We’ll discuss this later,” I said, leaving
the keys untouched. “Talk to me, John. Why did you leave like you
did? It was such a shock.” All the pain of watching him walk away
came rushing back, bruising my still broken heart.
    He ran his hands from his forehead back
across his bald head, a gesture that was undoubtedly unconscious
and that was also so him. I stifled my sob by taking another sip of
tea.
    “I knew if I didn’t just leave, I wouldn’t be
able to, and I had to go back. There were things I needed to do and
get.” He rolled the cold glass between his hands and set it back
down again. “See, Green Way pays me very well and I wanted to buy
you this car,” he waved his hand toward the driveway. “There are so
many things I’d like to give you and I can’t without working.”
There was a plea in his voice.
    “I told you before you don’t have to pay me
back anything! I don’t want the car, I don’t want anything.” Just
you, I added silently. “It’s been six weeks since you left. Where
have you been? Why haven’t you at least called?” I really wasn’t
sure I was ready for his answers.
    “When I got back to the house on Eagle Beach,
most of the guys were already there, acting like not much had
happened. Steve was cooking breakfasts, Sandy was cooking dinners,
and the routine was so easy to fall into. I was different.” He
paused, finally taking a drink of his tea, no sugar. I’ll remember
that.
    “I don’t think you ever met Simon, our
liaison to the Green Way home office. He noticed the change in me,
and when he found out I had spent those four harsh months here in
Moose Creek, and with you, he immediately sent me home to my
daughter’s for a two week rotation. I don’t know if he thought that
it would help get you ‘out of my system’ or what, but it didn’t. If
anything, going back to my daughter’s, seeing my mom and sister, it
just made me miss you all the more.” He started to reach across the
table; instead, he stopped and picked up his glass again. I could
understand needing to keep the hands busy; I really wanted to touch
him too.
    “I made up my mind then that I would work the
mine, for as much money as I could make, only if I can have you,
too…” he hesitated. “That is, if