The First Time is the Hardest: An Austin Brothers Novella (Austin Brothers Series Book 1) Read Online Free Page B

The First Time is the Hardest: An Austin Brothers Novella (Austin Brothers Series Book 1)
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memories. Colton had to return to his ranch just out of town to be with Ami, and Chase needed to get back to LA. Tanner stuck around, checking in on me, and Mom and Dad did the same. Only they treated me like a fragile child, cooing over me and bringing me milk and cookies.
    I wasn’t sick.
    I didn’t have some flu that would get better with chicken soup and one of Mom’s special hugs.
    I was broken.
    Something had changed inside me. My heart continued to beat, but I felt lifeless. A living ragdoll going through the motions.
    To make matters worse, I didn’t see or hear from Ryan. I wanted so badly to talk to him, but I couldn’t even bring myself to put on clothes. The resounding determination I’d arrived with, the promise to myself—and Lucas—not to fall apart, had long gone.
    And every day, I sunk deeper into the abyss.
    ~
    By the fifth day, even Tanner had stopped calling. He had to go home to his fiancée and return to work. Everyone’s lives continued, while I lay in bed with my eyes closed trying to remember Lucas’s face. The fear that I would soon forget crippled me a little more every day. I had photos, sure, but it wasn’t the same.
    A knock sounded on the door, and I heard Mom’s voice. “Honey, can I come in?”
    “Sure, Mom,” I said, opening my eyes with a sigh.
    “Mila Jean, my sweet baby, don’t you think it’s time you got up and came back to the real world?” My mouth dropped open and alarm registered on Mom’s face. “That came out all wrong. I just mean life has to go on, baby. He wouldn’t want this for you. Lucas wouldn’t want this.”
    “Don’t,” I snapped feeling the tears build behind my eyes.
    “Mila-”
    “No, Mom. I’m not ready.”
    “I just think if you-”
    I turned my back to her and snuggled the comforter closer to me.
    “Oh sweetie, it breaks my heart to see you like this. Tanner is downstairs. Should I send him up?”
    “No, not right now.”
    She sighed but didn’t say anything else. The door clicked shut, and I was alone once more. I preferred it that way lately. At least if I was alone, I didn’t have to try to keep up appearances. Try to fake a smile here or there.
    But my solace didn’t last long.
    Loud voices drifted upstairs, and I strained to hear what was happening. Growing up with three older brothers, I was no stranger to noise, but this sounded different. Tense. And then, I heard him.
    Ryan.
    I crept out of bed and opened the door careful not to make a sound.
    “I just need to talk to her. Give me ten minutes.”
    “Not happening. Look, Gennery, leave her alone. She needs to grieve Lucas in her own way, on her own. She doesn’t need you around messing with her head.”
    “Messing with her head? Are you fucking kidding me? He was my brother, my brother, man.”
    “I think you should-”
    I clicked my door shut again and scanned my room. Maybe I was losing my mind, but hearing Ryan’s voice had ignited something in me. I needed to see him. Pulling on some pants and a clean tank, I grabbed my Tulane hoodie off the back of the chair. The front door slammed, and voices argued below me, but they’d moved to the kitchen. I exited my bedroom and tiptoed down the stairs, slipped my feet into my flats lined up by the door, and left the house.
    What was I doing? My parents would flip. Tanner would lose it. But I needed to see Ryan, and I hadn’t realized how much until I heard his voice.
    “Ryan,” I called out as he stormed up the sidewalk. “Wait up.”
    He turned, his eyes widening. “Mila?”
    “I- I heard you. Is everything okay?”
    Pain twisted on his face. “No, everything has gone to fucking shit. I need a drink. You in?”
    “Hmm.” I looked down at myself. I looked like shit.
    “You look fine. Come on.”
    Ryan took off again, and I had to jog to keep up with him.
    “Hold up, will you? I thought you wanted to talk to me?”
    He grumbled something under his breath but didn't turn back. I finally caught up with him and fell
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