The First Time is the Hardest: An Austin Brothers Novella (Austin Brothers Series Book 1) Read Online Free Page A

that. Don’t feel guilty. Own your grief. Own it, Mila. He left us. He’s in a better place, and we have to figure out how to keep living. We have to …” Ryan’s eyes closed, and I knew he wasn’t convinced by his own words. “We have to.”
    “How long are you in town for?”
    He opened his eyes and shrugged. “I don’t know. Why?”
    “You can’t leave, not yet. Promise you won’t leave.”
    “I’m not going anywhere.”
    I settled back into his side. “Good, that’s good.”
    ~
    When the sun had finally set, Ryan persuaded me to leave the meadow and head back home. I hadn’t wanted to, knowing what awaited me. He kept his arm around me as we walked through the quiet streets; his jacket balanced around my shoulders. It wasn’t cold out, but once the tears subsided, I hadn’t been able to stop shaking.
    “Thank you,” I said as my house came into view.
    “You don’t need to thank me.”
    “Here.” I shrugged off his jacket and handed it to him. Ryan glanced over at my house and said, “We have company.”
    Chase and Tanner were standing on the porch glaring in our direction. I gave them a slight wave and turned back to Ryan. “You’ll be okay?”
    “Yeah, I’m good.”
    He was lying. It was written all over his face, but I nodded, too tired to press him tonight.
    “I’ll see you, Ryan.”
    Ryan nodded and stayed rigid as I crossed the road to my brothers. They looked like they were standing guard; it was ridiculous.
    “Are you trying to give Mom a heart attack?” Chase was on me the second I reached the porch.
    “Chase, back off,” Tanner said curtly still eyeing Ryan. I risked glancing back and watched as he jammed his hands into his pockets and started to walk away.
    “We were worried, Jeanie.” Tanner extended his hand, and I took it letting him lead me into the house. I was so tired.
    “Is that Mi-” Mom ran to me as I entered the house. “Mila Jean, I was so darn worried. Don’t you ever do that-”
    “Mom, I think we should let Mila go up to bed. She’s exhausted. I’ll take her up and be down in a minute.”
    Tanner guided me to the stairs. I didn’t look back but felt my family’s eyes. They had every right to be worried and even a little annoyed at me, but Tanner was right. I was exhausted. Not one single cell in my body didn’t feel spent.
    “Come on, Jeanie.” My brother pushed my bedroom door open and hit the light switch.
    “I’m fine, Tanner, I promise.”
    “Don’t do that with me. You’re not fine.” He pulled back the comforter on my bed and motioned for me to sit. “And that’s okay. No one expects you to be okay. It’s going to take time, Jeanie. A bucket load of time. But you taking off like that, and him running to your rescue, worried us.”
    “Tanner,” I ground out. I knew many people in our town had issues with Ryan, my brothers included, but he had been nothing but nice to me the last couple of days.
    He understood what I felt. What I was going through.
    “Now, now, I’m not trying to suggest anything, so don’t pull that face. I’m just saying we’re all here for you, Jeanie. We’re your family, your blood. You can come to us with anything. You hear me?”
    I rolled my eyes. “I’m tired, Tan.”
    His eyes softened, and he smiled. “Sorry, I don’t mean to go all big brother on you. It’s just we know how hard this is for you. We’re all here, Mila Jean. All of us.”
    Tanner left, and I stripped down to my underwear and slid underneath the covers, replaying his words in my head. I knew my family meant well. But they didn’t know.
    They couldn’t.
    No one could.
    Except Ryan.

Chapter 4
     
    SOMETHING CHANGED IN the days after the funeral. The guilt of not watching the burial of Lucas’s casket hung over me like a black cloud. Everyone tried to reassure me that it didn’t matter, and that I could go and visit him in my own time, but none of their words worked. I spent most of my time holed up in my room, in bed, with my