The Fabled Fifth Graders of Aesop Elementary School Read Online Free

Elementary,” she said in a very serious voice. “This reporter has uncovered evidence that Cook does not usereal cheese in her yak and cheese recipe. Yes, the yak is real. But what is that yellow stuff you’ve been eating?” Bernadette paused for effect, then declared, “It is processed cheese food, aka fake cheese. And fake cheese just doesn’t cut it.” She paused again. “This reporter, for one, is shocked. Aren’t you?”
    The red Off light on top of the camera blinked on.
    And Ham hurried over to Bernadette. “Is that true?” he asked. “Is it really fake cheese?”
    “Well,” said Bernadette, “I heard it from a kid whose brother knows another kid whose mom used to work in the school lunchroom.”
    “Isn’t that called a rumor?” asked Ham.
    “They’re called sources,” corrected Bernadette. “But I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”
    For the rest of the week, Bernadette kept her eyes and ears open for more scoops and sources, but she didn’t uncover anything hard-hitting until—
    “Have any of you seen the crazy new art teacher yet?” Missy asked during Friday free time.
    “Crazy new art teacher?” said Bernadette. She flipped open her black spiral notebook—the one she’d been carrying ever since she’d become an investigative reporter. “Tell me more.”
    “Her name’s Ms. Bozzetto, and she just moved into that creepy old Victorian over on Vesta Street,” said Missy. “At least, that’s what my neighbor told me.”
    “She carries around dozens of cat pictures in her purse,” said Jackie. “At least, that’s what I overheard a fourth grader say.”
    “And she purrs and mews to herself,” said Ashlee A. “At least, I bet she does.”
    “Her clothes are covered with cat hair,” added Victoria with a shudder. “I saw that for myself.”
    Humphrey leaned into their conversation. “Cat hair? That’s because Ms. Bozzetto has hundreds of cats living in her house.”
    “How would you know?” asked Victoria.
    “I heard it from a first grader, who heard it from his babysitter, who heard it from her boyfriend, who heard it from his baseball coach, who probably heard it from his wife, who heard it from their first grader,” explained Humphrey.
    “Oh,” said the girls. They nodded their understanding.
    And Bernadette wrote furiously in her notebook, her pencil trying to keep pace with the hard-hittinginvestigative report that was forming in her mind. Within minutes she had it all down on paper:
    Students of Aesop Elementary, I have uncovered evidence that a crazy woman works in our school. Her name is Ms. Bozzetto, and she is our new art teacher. What sent her over the edge? Was it a broken heart? A lifetime’s exposure to tempera paints? We may never know
.
    What we do know is that Ms. Bozzetto has become a crazy cat lady, living in her lonely Victorian mansion with a reported five hundred cats. This explains her hairy clothes, her walletful of kitty portraits, and her tendency to mew instead of saying hello. This reporter, for one, is shocked. Aren’t you?
    Bernadette put down her pencil and grinned. It was the best investigative report ever!
    ZZZZ-CRACK!
    The loudspeaker buzzed and crackled. Then the voice of Mrs. Shorthand—who had been an air traffic controller before becoming the school’s secretary—filled the room. “Mr. Jupiter? Come in, Mr. Jupiter.”
    “I read you loud and clear. Go ahead,” Mr. Jupiter replied.
    “Please send Bernadette Braggadocio to the office,” said Mrs. Shorthand. “Do you roger that?”
    “I roger that,” replied Mr. Jupiter. “Bernadette is on her way.”
    ZZZZ-CRACK!
    The loudspeaker buzzed and crackled off.
    Bernadette frowned. “I wonder what they want me for?” she asked.
    Mr. Jupiter pointed to the door. “I suggest you go and find out.”
    Picking up her notebook, Bernadette headed to the office.
    When she arrived, Mrs. Shorthand pointed to an orange plastic chair outside the principal’s door. “Have a