doctors for fear of what that hard bump under the skin, or that chronic pain, or that bleeding from the ass might turn out to be and what it might cost.
"We've had to take a hard look at how we do business and embrace new technologies that lower costs, conserve energy, produce greater yields, increase efficiency, and offer more operational flexibility," Silbert said.
Andy turned to Matt. “How many guys you got working on that new rig you've been playing with?"
Matt hesitated a second before answering. “Two."
"Shit," Andy said.
"So I'm pleased to announce that we'll be replacing our old, outdated equipment with the latest, cutting-edge equipment," Silbert said. “No pun intended."
He laughed, just to make sure everyone knew that his pun was intended and that he thought it was pretty witty. But half the men there had no idea what a pun was and no one was in the mood to laugh.
Andy spoke up. “When you say you're lowering costs, what you mean is that you're going to fire people."
"Unfortunately, there will be some reductions in our workforce," Silbert said. “But those who remain will have the security of working in a leaner, stronger, more efficient company that's better prepared to take on the challenges of the future."
"What you mean is that half of us, guys who have been here ten, twenty years, natural-born woodsmen, are going to be kicked onto the street to starve while you collect a bonus and move on to fire more hardworking men at another company in some other industry you don't know shit about."
"Let's not get overdramatic," Silbert said. “Nobody is going to starve. We'll be offering retraining programs, absolutely free, for all of our temporarily displaced workers."
"Training in what?" someone in the crowd called out.
"Word processing, website design, solar panel installation, computer repair," Silbert said, "and other exciting jobs in the new economy."
"I want to train for your job." Andy unbuckled his pants, let them drop, and then mooned Silbert. He bent over and peeked at Silbert from between his legs. “All I've got to do is figure out how to get my head up my ass and I'm qualified."
The crowd cheered and laughed. Silbert shook his head like a disapproving parent and lowered his bullhorn. There was nothing more to say and he knew it.
Matt smacked Andy's shoulder. “Pull up your pants. You're just making things worse."
"We're losing our jobs, Matt. Exactly how can things get any worse than that?"
"You might have kept yours before you did this."
"Yeah, right," Andy said, hiking up his pants.
Matt turned towards Silbert, who was walking back towards the main office building, and called out to him. “Are you going to fire Andy?"
Silbert stopped and faced Matt. “He's the first and only name on the list so far. He'll be out by the end of the day."
"If he goes," Matt said, "I go, too."
Andy looked at his friend in astonishment. A hush fell over the crowd.
"You're the best sawyer we've got," Silbert said. Then he moved a few steps closer to Matt and looked him in the eye. Matt could smell the wintergreen Life Savers on his breath. “But the beauty of the WM3500 is that now anybody can be the best sawyer we've got. Good luck to you both in your new endeavors."
Silbert turned his back on them and walked away. Matt looked past him to see Rachel, staring at him not with shock or anger, as he expected, but with disappointment.
"The fucking asshole," Andy muttered, snatching a long-handled cant hook from a nearby woodpile and advancing on Silbert from behind.
Matt rushed forward, tackling Andy just as he was raising the cant hook over his head. They hit the ground hard, rolling in the mud and sawdust, Matt wrestling the cant hook from Andy's hand.
Andy turned Matt on his back, straddled him, and raised his fist to deliver a hammer blow.
"Andy!" Matt called out.
His friend froze and blinked hard, like he was snapping out of a daydream. Andy looked at Matt, then in surprise at his own