The Darwin Awards 4: Intelligent Design Read Online Free
Author: Wendy Northcutt
ends
((outer diameter/2) 2 × π × 2), cm 2
4.5
Rigatoni total surface (side + ends), cm 2
32.8
Inner diameter of Rigatoni , cm
1.3
The tip of P. rigate is pointy, with a diameter of 0.3 cm (Figure 3), reducing its effective size for slipping into Rigatoni . The target area the tip can enter:
(2 × π × ((inner diameter—tip)/2) 2 ), cm 2
1.571
Probability of one insertion during a random encounter is the target area divided by the Rigatoni total surface
4.78 × 10 -02
Fraction of observed insertions (Figure 1)
0.6
Number of available Rigatoni
40
Estimated total number of insertions (40 × 0.6)
24
Probability of all these insertions by random encounter
2.05 × 10 -32
** This calculation was performed according to standard Intelligent Design (IDiotic) methods. It was performed using the calc program with an input file “idiotic.calc.”
----
Discussion
This paper reports an observation of spontanoodlus generation in which Penne rigate inserts within Rigatoni to create a new species dubbed Noodleous doubleous .
The Vertical Flow Hypothesis proposes that Rigatoni become vertically oriented in the convective flow of phase transitioning liquid H 2 O, thereby increasing the heat dissipation rate.
This proposal is supported by the observation of bubble plumes on the dorsal side of Rigatoni (Figure 5). It is feasible that horizontally oriented P. rigate situated close to the bottom of the environment are drawn upward into the ventral side of Rigatoni . The P. rigate are not ejected from the Rigatoni because the dorsal end of the Rigatoni is close to the liquid surface and the process does not have sufficient energy to lift the P. rigate into the environmental froth. The P. rigate would therefore be caught inside the Rigatoni .
However, the probability of insertion events as proposed by the Vertical Flow Hypothesis is calculated to be extremely low (Table 1).
Conclusion
We conclude that the process was guided by some form of external intelligence. The experimenter did not perform this scalding task.
The high-temperature liquid was undergoing a rapid phase transition and liquid dihydrogen monoxide is extremely dangerous. Microscopic and macroscopic life forms were not observed in these extreme sterilizing conditions. Only an invisible macroscopic life form could have guided the rapid generation of the Noodleous doubleous .
We therefore conclude that this supernatural insertion process was done by the Hand of God.
A second viable hypothesis is that a divine Noodly Appendage of the Flying Spaghetti Monster was responsible for the effect. These results are therefore strong empirical support for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism.
Although it is considered unethical to destroy incipient life-forms, thereby causing them to go extinct, the experimenter was hungry, so he ate them anyway.
References, complete experimental conditions, further reading:
www.DarwinAwards.com/book/noodles.html
Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster:
www.DarwinAwards.html/book/spaghetti.html
Essay on Intelligent Design by Jason Stevens:
www.DarwinAwards.com/book/jason.html
C LEANING THE G ENE P OOL
The Darwin Awards that follow show that Nature is still improving on the human design. But they also illustrate the creativity that distinguishes us from less adaptable species. The same innovative spirit that causes the downfall of the Darwin Award winner is also responsible for the social and scientific advances that make the human race great.
CHAPTER 1
Vehicles
Motorcycles, trucks, trains, cars, snowmobiles, mopeds, a wheelchair, and one mountain bike—wheels spark a powerful urge to test mechanical limits. But to begin, an essay on human evolution….
D ISCUSSION : AIDS, B UBONIC P LAGUE , AND H UMAN E VOLUTION
Stephen Darksyde, Science Writer
S cience teachers are often asked by skeptical students, “Why
((outer diameter/2) 2 × π × 2), cm 2
4.5
Rigatoni total surface (side + ends), cm 2
32.8
Inner diameter of Rigatoni , cm
1.3
The tip of P. rigate is pointy, with a diameter of 0.3 cm (Figure 3), reducing its effective size for slipping into Rigatoni . The target area the tip can enter:
(2 × π × ((inner diameter—tip)/2) 2 ), cm 2
1.571
Probability of one insertion during a random encounter is the target area divided by the Rigatoni total surface
4.78 × 10 -02
Fraction of observed insertions (Figure 1)
0.6
Number of available Rigatoni
40
Estimated total number of insertions (40 × 0.6)
24
Probability of all these insertions by random encounter
2.05 × 10 -32
** This calculation was performed according to standard Intelligent Design (IDiotic) methods. It was performed using the calc program with an input file “idiotic.calc.”
----
Discussion
This paper reports an observation of spontanoodlus generation in which Penne rigate inserts within Rigatoni to create a new species dubbed Noodleous doubleous .
The Vertical Flow Hypothesis proposes that Rigatoni become vertically oriented in the convective flow of phase transitioning liquid H 2 O, thereby increasing the heat dissipation rate.
This proposal is supported by the observation of bubble plumes on the dorsal side of Rigatoni (Figure 5). It is feasible that horizontally oriented P. rigate situated close to the bottom of the environment are drawn upward into the ventral side of Rigatoni . The P. rigate are not ejected from the Rigatoni because the dorsal end of the Rigatoni is close to the liquid surface and the process does not have sufficient energy to lift the P. rigate into the environmental froth. The P. rigate would therefore be caught inside the Rigatoni .
However, the probability of insertion events as proposed by the Vertical Flow Hypothesis is calculated to be extremely low (Table 1).
Conclusion
We conclude that the process was guided by some form of external intelligence. The experimenter did not perform this scalding task.
The high-temperature liquid was undergoing a rapid phase transition and liquid dihydrogen monoxide is extremely dangerous. Microscopic and macroscopic life forms were not observed in these extreme sterilizing conditions. Only an invisible macroscopic life form could have guided the rapid generation of the Noodleous doubleous .
We therefore conclude that this supernatural insertion process was done by the Hand of God.
A second viable hypothesis is that a divine Noodly Appendage of the Flying Spaghetti Monster was responsible for the effect. These results are therefore strong empirical support for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism.
Although it is considered unethical to destroy incipient life-forms, thereby causing them to go extinct, the experimenter was hungry, so he ate them anyway.
References, complete experimental conditions, further reading:
www.DarwinAwards.com/book/noodles.html
Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster:
www.DarwinAwards.html/book/spaghetti.html
Essay on Intelligent Design by Jason Stevens:
www.DarwinAwards.com/book/jason.html
C LEANING THE G ENE P OOL
The Darwin Awards that follow show that Nature is still improving on the human design. But they also illustrate the creativity that distinguishes us from less adaptable species. The same innovative spirit that causes the downfall of the Darwin Award winner is also responsible for the social and scientific advances that make the human race great.
CHAPTER 1
Vehicles
Motorcycles, trucks, trains, cars, snowmobiles, mopeds, a wheelchair, and one mountain bike—wheels spark a powerful urge to test mechanical limits. But to begin, an essay on human evolution….
D ISCUSSION : AIDS, B UBONIC P LAGUE , AND H UMAN E VOLUTION
Stephen Darksyde, Science Writer
S cience teachers are often asked by skeptical students, “Why
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