Sex, Lies and the Dirty Read Online Free

hang out with those psycho bitches.
    He asks, “Does seven grand work?”
    We’d still be paying, but that’s considerably less than the 25K we had to shell out to the Hard Rock. I tell Levine I have to speak to our financial guy and that I’ll call back. The whole deal gets pitched to my partner, and considering our shaky finances, he says that we have to do it. In his mind, he’s probably thinking that if we’ve cut event expenses by $18,000 in only two events, maybe by the third one we’ll start making money.
    I get Levine back on the phone, and as much as I hate the idea of having to pay money to be around Leper and Alien again, I tell him we’ll do the event. It’s another opportunity for branding, to get the name out there. Just another part of paying my dues.
    “Great,” Levine says. “Do you want us to wire the money or send a check?”
    It finally clicks that I’ve been misunderstanding the arrangement the entire time. He wants to pay us . This is when partying officially becomes part of our business model, the moment just before everyone finds out the truth about me.

Exposure
    I had gotten busted over eight months ago for a DUI.
    That was my dirt, but it had been so long that I had pretty much stopped worrying about it up until The Smoking Gun contacted me through e-mail. They want to know if Hooman Karamian and Nik Richie are the same person. There’s been rumors going around that I’m the guy, but up until now, it’s all been hearsay. Speculation. The arrest report The Smoking Gun has pushes it one step closer to confirming who I really am: the guy that anonymously puts people on blast, teases them, pokes fun at their lives. I’ve been doing this for years, and because Nik Richie has never extended beyond the confines of the Internet, Hooman Karamian has never been at risk. I never had to worry about my personal life. Until now. The Smoking Gun wants to publish this story, but they don’t want to pull the trigger until they confirm everything’s accurate. All it’s going to take is one reply from me saying they figured it out. I’m him. I’m Nik Richie.
    And I’m freaking the fuck out.
    Even if I don’t confirm the story for them, they might decide to run with it anyway. I talk to my advisors, explaining the situation: The Smoking Gun is ready to out me. If I’m outed, I’m fucked. All those people that said they were going to kill me can actually do it now. There’s no protection. Even if I hide out in my apartment, it only takes one pissed-off psycho to track me down and put a bullet in my brain. It only takes one.
    The advisors tell me to calm down.
    They say, “You need to take the mug shot and put it up. You need to make fun of yourself. And you need to do it now.”
    “Are you serious?” I ask.
    “Yes, you need to post yourself before they post you. Embrace it. Run with it. There’s not a lot of choice in the matter.”
    The Smoking Gun emails me again saying that they’re going to publish the story with or without my consent. I do exactly what I was advised to do.
    I write up the post.
    I expose myself to the world.
Is Hooman Karamian (nice name) the Real Nik
Richie?
     
Posted in The Dirty | September 4th, 2008

What a tool bag… if you are going to take a mug shot with your cheese-grader face at least look sexy?
    Nik Richie: If you were gay and had to be the top for this DUI Douche Bag, Would You?
     
Answer: No, he has $2.00 waxed eyebrows, a taliban beard, a nose that is as large as my Greg, needs Botox, was set up by Scottsdale PD for posting a picture of the Cheif of Police’s daughter, has a homo skunk trail that only D-Nazi would be proud of and his chest hair is for the Gays! Dude what were you thinking? Shave that fern gully down! Also, I don’t bang dudes with weird names… not my style.
    I beat The Smoking Gun to the punch and they’re pissed.
    They even send me an e-mail calling me a coward and asking why I would out myself, which is really just another way