I’m not sure, but I think the first voice just agreed to train the woman lying on the table. As I drift back and forth inside of the fevered dream I’m wrapped in, I can hear the man’s voice speaking above me, agreeing to train someone.
Falling ... I’m drifting in and out of a pseudo-consciousness that won’t let me go. Terror rushes through me. I can feel my body, but I can’t at the same time. With determination fueling my strength, I attempt to lift my arm. Damn it! Why can’t I move? What’s wrong with me, and why are these two men allowing this to happen? I must break free. If I can reach the first man’s voice then I know he can help me. He must.
Icy chill flows through my muscles and I slip back into a dream, the one I’ve experienced too many times, a nightmare that haunts me both day and night. I’m that frightened nine-year-old little girl again, and I’m sitting in the back seat of my parents’ Lincoln SUV. The rain pelting down on the windshield makes navigating the back road of the dark Louisiana swamplands too difficult to make any significant progress. I don’t remember where we’re headed to; I only know my parents are arguing, and I really wish they would turn up the song playing on the radio. It is a cheerful tune by a man who’s singing about being happy and not worrying; Bobby McFerrin I heard Mom call him. I like the song. It fills me with joy and makes me feel good, especially since all my parents ever do is argue over something my father’s been doing with his government job.
At once, a bright light fills the interior of the car, blinding me. Mom screams, and I see my dad’s arm fly out to push up against her chest, holding her in place. The SUV swerves and goes airborne, flipping several times. Clutching the sides of my seat, I squeeze my eyes shut, my tiny body frozen in fear and my mind trying to focus on the happy song that had been playing just before the light came on, the perky notes still vibrating somewhere in the back of my head. The car flips several more times as we sail down an embankment. Splash! We land bottom side up, and water flows into the windows, but my parents hang suspended in the air.
I must escape. I have to get out!
With sharp pains raging through my shoulders, I manage to wiggle out of my straps, to swim across the river, and find my way to dry land. Tears cloud my vision and dread fills my chest so completely I feel as though I’m about to explode. Crawling across the ground just outside the lake, I turn and find the extent of the wreckage, my vision fading, the agony of the moment tearing me apart the way it always does each time I experience this dream.
“Mommy! Daddy!” I croak out, reaching for the wreckage, but unable to move. Pain flows through my right leg; my left arm has gone limp and numb. I start crying, the tears flowing down my cheeks.
Movement in the brush up above me, coming from the part of the hill where we just tumbled down from, makes me turn my head. I can’t make out the men’s faces through my tears, but I can tell from the outline of his form that one man is walking toward me while another one trails him, shrouding him in light. And this is where the dream always ends, at the part where my mind blocks out the things that happened between the period of time after the men find me to the moment my grandparents were called to the hospital.
Chest heaving, I drift back to the room, my nightmare fading. I can do this. I can open my eyes. I need to see his face. My eyelids flutter open the slightest bit, bright light filling them. A man hovers above me, watching like a phantom inside of the haze surrounding him. Grayish-blue eyes lock onto my hazel ones, and though the image blurs before me, I don’t miss the chance to gaze upon the most beautiful face I’ve ever seen. Soft blond hair falls around his face. He must be an angel, which means I’ve finally died. I’m free at last. Unfortunately, freedom doesn’t last long for