me.
I’m falling now. I can’t stop the darkness.
Where am I? Help me!
Oh God, please help me!
I call out to him, but he doesn’t hear me. No one can. I’m a prisoner inside of my own mind, and I’m dying. Slowly.
Thump! Thump! Thump! The thuds of my heart echo through my ears. Each breath I don’t take terrifies me. Each one I do take burns like hell. So much pain.
“I don’t want to die,” I manage to croak out before a stinging chill rushes through my veins. My body convulses, my toes curling and fists clenching. It hurts! I fight the nothing spreading over my body, but my efforts turn out to be useless. Tears stream down my cheeks. Someone takes my hand, squeezing it as my body convulses one last time before going limp. I slip away and become the little nine-year-old girl sitting on the riverbank again. Waiting.
Even from inside of the dream, however, I don’t miss the kiss. Soft lips lingering on my forehead for a short moment. His lips, I’m sure.
Where am I? What’s happening?
“Help me, please. Don’t let them do this.”
“It will all be over soon. I promise,” a heavily accented voice assures me. Definitely Russian. His accent makes me think of a place in Moscow, and even though I know I’ve visited this particular city numerous times, I can’t seem to recall why I was there.
In return, I grasp his hand tighter and lose myself inside a dark void of nightmares, gunshots, and rain covering my night gown, waiting for freedom. It doesn’t come.
Instead, I fall into darkness.
CHAPTER 4
~ Nikolai ~
I spend the next four weeks inside of Burkenstein’s private compound, assisting his men with securing a few left over contracts he needed to fulfill. The first part of the contract requires my absolute secrecy, meaning I cannot contact my friends or family, and I can only hope Alek and Adriana do not take my absence as an indicator that my heartache has consumed my good sense. However, I still manage to keep up with what goes on in my family: Adriana and her new lover, Katerina’s ongoing battle with her investors, Alek and Erin’s dilemma with the couple who set the black widows on her in the back of a pet shop in Venice. From within Burkenstein’s circle, and with Gemma’s help, I have managed to secure the name of the couple who set Erin up and fully intend to pay them a visit as soon as I can. Once the object of my contract awakens, I can head back to Milan, begin recruiting my new dancers, and spend some time with my family, making up for my absence. I can finally realize my dreams.
Sitting inside of Alestasia’s room—the way I have done over the past month—I watch her sleep, making note of each flinch and every quickened breath she takes. Caught up in the remains of whatever world the sick bastard has erased, the CIA agent formerly known as Alestasia Rose Broussard has drifted in and out of a coma, her body adjusting to the trauma it has experienced no doubt.
Although athletic in build, and possessing looks that could sink a thousand ships were the captains to glance at her body floating inside of a lifeboat on the ocean, the woman’s face radiates an ironic innocence lost in a muddle of bad debts and blood wars, reminding me of someone else I left back in Milan, the girl who got away and still haunts my thoughts every day. I assume that is what draws me back into this room each day, that common link between two people who have been stripped of their life essence, a silent understanding that even though we’ve been victimized in the past, our future holds the key to whatever we choose to make of it. I choose revenge ... hard, but beautiful and effective.
Moaning, the woman stirs. I stand at once and take her hand. Without opening her eyes, she whispers, “I know you’re there. Don’t leave me. Please.” Her words escape her lips in a single gasp as though it has taken all of her energy to speak them, yet her eyes remain closed. Psychogenic amnesia is the term Rudolph