even knew Iâd start with the roast beef and then work my way through the poultry selections. I shook my head to clear it of thoughts of giant hunks of meat; it was really way too easy to see this particular vision coming true.
At McDonaldâs I fortified myself with three sausage egg McMuffins, two bacon, egg, and cheese biscuits, and some pancakes. All of which was gone by the time I pulled into my parking spot at the grocery store. Hunger temporarily abated, I was ready to shop for food without incident.
At least I hoped so.
The store itself seemed like a whole new world to me, filled with a smorgasbord of smells and sounds. The smells were so rich I could almost taste them and my mouth began to salivate.
I reminded myself very firmly that Iâd just polished off enough food to satisfy a linebacker and narrowed my shoulders with resolve to get what I needed and get out of the way of temptation as quickly as possible.
Thirty minutes later, my basket was filled with everything imaginable from steaks and hamburger to most of the lunchmeat in the deli case with a smidge of cheese thrown in, three dozen eggs, three loaves of bread, and an Italian crème cake. I was on my way to the checkout line feeling a little smug over my extreme self-control when the sample lady stepped in front of me.
Crap!
Iâd been doing so well; she just had to shove a tray of pizza rolls in front of me!
Unfortunately I knocked her down in my haste to grab the tray. I came back to myself when all of the little pizza rolls were gone.
The blue-haired little lady sat on the floor staring up at me in shock and horror; I blushed, embarrassed by my behavior.
I gently set the clear plastic tray back on the sample table and leaned down to give her a hand up. âIâm so sorry, Iâve been dieting and I justâ¦â
The lady pulled her arm from my grasp and looked at my overflowing basket and me with stern disapproval. âMaybe you should try an appetite suppressant or have a friend do your shopping for you.â
âMaybe,â I smiled lamely, relieved when she sniffed and turned her back on me to get another box of pizza rolls.
I must have made a little noise when the scent of the freshly opened box reached me because she suddenly turned and eyed me suspiciously.
Blushing, I made my way quickly away from her, got to the checkout line, and happily made it out to my car without any further issues. So far, it had been a red-letter day.
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* * *
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The doorman of my building graciously helped me to my apartment with all of my groceries.
He smiled warmly. âYou must be having a party.â
âA party?â I asked blankly.
âAll of these provisions and Iâm sure a lady such as yourself never lacks for company,â he said with a smarmy smile and a definite leer.
What was going on? I looked the same to me but all of a sudden, you would have thought I was the playmate of the year.
âI do have a few friends coming by later in the week and I thought it would be better to be prepared.â
The doorman smiled again. âIâd be happy to carry these all the way in for you. Maybe I could stay for a while.â
âThanks, Iâve got it,â I sang out, grabbing everything together in one hand that I could and helping everything else through the door with my foot. No way was this guy getting in. Maybe the doorman, Mort, and John all used the same dealer and had gotten a bad batch of drugs. Oooh, maybe it was Ecstasy, Iâd heard that could make you very sexually inappropriate.
He stood there trying to think of a way to prolong the conversation, seemingly oblivious to the way Dizzy stood suspiciously growling at his ankles. She looked like she was seriously considering taking a bite when I sharply called her back and closed the door on him. Sheesh, truth was definitely stranger than fiction!
The quiet of the apartment was welcome after a morning filled with chaos.