left work to the moment he arrived. Through my uncontrollable sobs and hyperventilation, he extracted all relevant information. But there was one detail he needed that I didn't have.
"What did he look like?"
I didn't know. I didn't see his face. Just like my dream, I never saw his face. But that night I'd actually tried.
We were separated only by the thin door, inches away from each other. The doorknob shook violently as he tried to get inside. As I slid the deadbolt into place, I gathered all the courage I could muster and looked out the small peephole. At first, I peered through half-closed eyes, too terrified to see his face all at once. But my eyes soon opened wide in disbelief. No one was there. The doorknob was suddenly still. I ran to the living room window and carefully peered around the curtain, expecting to see him running down the stairs or across the street. But he was gone. In an instant, he'd vanished.
"You sure you were followed?" he asked skeptically, suspecting that my raw nerves after Gram's murder may have caused me to imagine a non-existent aggressor. All the officers in town knew Gram's case. It was the biggest, and most horrific. They all saw me down at the station each week talking to Detective Laine. But there were no suspects. No leads. No suspicious activity reported by anyone else in town. The trail had gone cold.
I nodded emphatically. Of course I'm sure, you jerk. I may have been experiencing some heightened anxiety since Gram died, but this time it was justified. It was not all in my head.
"Well, there's nothin' out there. No description of a perpetrator, nothin' I can do," he said half-heartedly. "You know, you really shouldn't be walking alone at night."
The languid officer turned toward the door and I watched my one source of protection walk away. He was the only thing bracing me from complete isolation. I struggled with the simultaneous desire to grab onto his jacket and beg him to stay with me, and the urge to reach out and choke him for being so indifferent. I thought of all the other officers in town that I knew, and I wished that any one of them had been dispatched instead. His awkward, misshapen body made its way back down the stairs and when he reached the bottom, he turned his head slightly.
"I will have a patrol car come by the house tonight. Call if you see or hear anything suspicious."
V
Ruth was in Europe for ten days with her husband Jack. He was a college professor and had been in Northern Italy on a research project since June. Ruth originally planned to go with him for the entire trip, but after Gram died, she stayed with me and insisted that Jack go on without her. She and Celia were so worried about me after Gram died, and refused to leave me alone.
After my incessant urging, Ruth finally agreed to join Jack before the summer was over. She wanted me to stay with Celia, who insisted on it too, but I assured them that I would be fine. Rena was going to stay with me. Ruth made me promise to be safe, to keep the doors locked, and to keep the phone with me at all times. And I had to call her if I needed her, no matter what time of day or night. Until she was gone, I didn't realize how much I would miss her.
For the first time in months, I was alone. The haunting quiet of the old house weighed heavily upon me and I wished for our back-and-forth chatter about what came in the mail that day or what was for dinner, the soft sounds of classical music infusing the house from the old living room stereo, or even the coarse squeaks of her violin as she practiced a new song.
I hit play on the answering machine. There were two new messages. For days, there were always at least two new messages. One from Ruth. One from Celia. Since Ruth left, they'd both called every day. The house, and my cell. And in each of Celia's messages, she reminded me that she had an empty guest room for me.
Rena stayed with me in the quiet house for the first few nights after Ruth left. But she was at