Stepping Into Sunlight Read Online Free Page B

words lapped around my ears, soft and non-threatening. My occasional murmurs kept him going. He was a low-maintenance boy when he was buckled in and free to talk as much as he wanted. Now that I was out of the house and moving, my anxiety receded. Sunlight and shadow flickered in turns across the windshield and I had to keep blinking to stay alert.
    When we reached the Norfolk Botanical Garden, we paid our entrance fee and grabbed a map. Bryan ran ahead, then back again, hooked to me by an invisible bungee cord. I strolled slowly, taking deep breaths. Tall loblolly pines reminded me of Wisconsin forests, but a display of pink butterfly bushes startled me with brilliant colors that would have faded by now back home.
    “Mom, I’m thirsty.”
    Fallen petals wilted on the gravel path. I ground a few under the toe of my shoe as if they were cigarette butts. “We left the juice boxes in the car.”
    He clutched his throat. “But I’m dying. Can’t we buy some pop?”
    “Maybe on our way out. Come on. There’s a fern garden up ahead.”
    “Then let’s go.” He tugged me along. The sunshine and vibrant shades of green gave me hope. The paths called for me to explore. My old self flickered to life, shaking off the strange, lifeless person who had abducted my body for the past weeks.
    A group of retired ladies in red hats passed us on their way to the tropical garden. As our path opened out we saw young moms pushing strollers on the other side of a wide canal.
    I took a deep breath. So far, so good. “You’re right, bucko. This was a good idea.”
    A snowy egret posed on the edge of a pond, a perfect image to inspire stillness and peace. Maybe I’d be able to handle this after all. Not just today’s outing, but also the weeks ahead.
    “How come Dad quit his other job?” Bryan picked up a rock and skimmed it across the pond. The egret eyed him with disdain.
    “He believed God wanted him to become a chaplain.”
    “But how did he know?”
    “He talked to friends he trusted. He prayed. He listened to God.”
    There. I still had it in me. The Good Mom with the spiritually nurturing words to offer my child. It was important to keep showing my son a polished image of God—even if my own picture of Him had become matte and dull in recent days. “We always want to be ready to go where God asks us, right?”
    He squinted out at the water. “I guess.”
    I ruffled his hair. “Don’t sound so excited about it. Hey, the kids’ vegetable garden is up ahead.”
    “When do we ride the boat?”
    “After that. I promise.”
    We followed a wide walkway toward the next section of the garden. Pounding footsteps and a shout intruded over the sounds of fountains and birdcalls. Three young men burst from around a turn of the path.
    One ran in front, laughing, a blur of denim under a black baseball cap. He brandished an iPod overhead. Another boy in a sweat-streaked T-shirt charged after, with a heavyset third friend on his heels. “Give that back. I’m gonna kill you.” The second teen’s voice was breathy with laughter. My rational mind heard that.
    A deeper primal center of my brain didn’t.
    He lurched sideways in a misstep as he passed us, jostling against me. “Sorry, ma’am.”
    I stumbled back with a gasp. Then I couldn’t breathe. Stark fear crashed into me, wiping out the sunlight and birds and trees.
    “I’m gonna kill you.”
    The path came up to meet me and my knees hit a layer of woodchips. What would the red-hat ladies think if they saw me face down on the trail? I could always pretend I was searching for a contact lens. I tried to laugh, but my heart exploded like a pheasant’s wings on the first day of hunting season.
    “Mom?”
    Bryan . I couldn’t pass out. Bryan needed me. Then coherent thought fled.

chapter
3
    “I’ M SORRY . I’ M SORRY . I’m so sorry.” The mantra of the embarrassed and unstable. I chanted it as a park staffer helped me to my feet. Bryan’s yells had brought her from a