Stepping Into Sunlight Read Online Free

like recipe cards on the kitchen floor. I needed to escape.
    I dozed, and my dreams brought me comfortingly to my old neighborhood in Wisconsin. Fall whirligigs spun from the tall trees. I sat on a bench in the park near our old house and sipped from a can of Coke, savoring Bryan’s laughter from the playground. An elderly couple strolled across the grass. They held hands and smiled as they watched Bryan climb across the monkey bars. His green-striped shirt was frayed around the neckline, where he sometimes chewed the edge. The couple resumed their walk and approached my bench. I looked up to smile at them, but when the old woman saw me, her face contorted. “You! You didn’t stop him.”
    Ice slid across my skin. A dirty corner of condemnation in my heart accepted her words, and I cringed. I wanted to run from her glare, but could only press my spine harder against the bench.
    The man lifted a shaky arm and pointed to me. “Why are you still here?”
    The woman wore the same lavender linen blouse that she was wearing when I’d last seen her.
    “No.” The word strangled in my chest. Not again.
    Several cracks ruptured the air, and I jumped. Who had been shot? Someone was hit.
    A boy in a green-striped T-shirt tumbled from the top of the jungle gym.
    Bryan!
    I pushed past the couple and ran to his body. Blood moistened the sand around his head.
    No! This isn’t the way it happened. Not Bryan.
    “Mom? Where are you?” He called out to me as I cradled him in my arms.
    “Shh. It’s all right. I’m here.”
    “Mom? Mom?” The muffled voice reached into my dream and pulled me out. I stared at the pillow in my arms. Only a nightmare. I wasn’t holding Bryan’s bleeding body.
    “Mom! I’m home.” Bryan bellowed from the front steps. The doorbell joined his call, ringing over and over with schoolboy impatience.
    My pulse roared into high gear like an Indy race car. I shot up and staggered for the door. How long had he been out there? Had he been scared when he got off the bus and I wasn’t waiting?
    When I yanked the door open, Bryan grinned up at me and hopped from one foot to the other. “Did you forget it was bus time?”
    “I’m sorry. I took a nap and didn’t wake up in time to walk down to the corner for you.”
    Bryan rolled his eyes. “Mom, I don’t have to take naps anymore. Why do you?”
    “Oh, you know. Mommies get tired sometimes.”
    “Wanna see my shells?” Bryan dropped to his knees, pulled out a paper sack, and upended shells and sand all over the carpet without waiting for my answer.
    I knelt beside him, happy to sort treasures with him. I hadn’t accomplished much else today.
    “Oh, no.” He held up a lifeless shape that had pincers and poked it. “The crab I found today. It looks dead. I was gonna make him a house with my Legos.” He thrust the ugly carapace under my nose.
    I scooted back. “Maybe you should take that outside.”
    He lit up. “Do you think if we water him he’ll wake up?” His niblet teeth flashed around the gap waiting for his two permanent incisors. Bryan’s mouth was half baby, half boy.
    “Um, no. I just thought you might like to . . . bury him. That’s what you do when a pet dies.”
    “Cool.” He launched to his feet and raced for the back door.
    Still groggy, I followed him to the kitchen and scrounged the cupboards for supper ideas while keeping watch on Bryan through the screen door. He used my gardening trowel to dig a hole, then collected rocks to create a headstone. He plucked dandelions from near the fence to decorate the grave. Should I be worried about how much fun he was having creating a funeral? I’d always pictured myself having tea parties with a tiny daughter in lace-edged socks and dress-up jewelry. Instead God had blessed me with snips and snails and puppy-dog tails. Hard to believe how much joy I’d found in watching my son collect bugs, crash toy trucks, or climb the doorjambs to play Spiderman.
    Laura-Beth called a greeting from