So Much to Learn Read Online Free

up like a puffer fish and
turns a nice bright pink to match my nose and bloodshot eyes. Get
the picture yet? I'm not a pretty crier.
    Plopping down
onto Jack’s bed I began to tell him the whole story. Beginning with
my horrible day at uni, I let the whole thing just roll out, no
holding back. He sat beside me, listening intently, his face
getting steadily angrier and angrier as I went on. When I told him
about what had happened at Rory's party he swore softly under his
breath and when I began to cry again (we'd reached the 'what's
wrong with you?' stage of the story) he wordlessly passed me a box
of tissues, but didn't take his eyes from my face.
    In short, he
was the most attentive, kind listener and I felt so vindicated by
his anger on my behalf that I gave him a quick hug when I'd
finished my story. His arms tightened around me ever so briefly and
then he let me go. Knowing me for so long means, of course, that
he's aware of my touching phobia and he's always been careful to
give me a light pat on the back or a quick hug, but nothing more,
whenever the situation warranted a touchy, feely moment.
    I stared down
at the used tissues in my hand and wondered how I was going to
break it to him that his kind consideration of my need for space
needed to be turned on its head. Obviously misinterpreting my
silent contemplation as despair, he ran a hand through his hair in
frustration and said,
    "Look, Tally, I
know you're miserable now and everything, but, honestly, you're
better off out of it. He's a complete jerk and doesn't deserve
anyone, least of all you. You get that right?"
    I nodded
mutely, but didn't lift my eyes and he sighed uncomfortably. I
thought I heard him mutter, "This is Matt's job," but, in the next
second, he gave me a soft bump with his shoulder which made me look
up him. "Come on solider. Buck up," he said kindly. "Tomorrow is
another day, everything will look better in the morning, and all
those other upbeat clichés.
    Seizing upon
the moment, I grabbed his arm and looked at him with wide eyes
which, fortunately for my performance, still had tears swimming
about in them.
    "Jack," I
croaked out, "I need you to do me a favour."
    He looked a bit
taken aback, but, to his credit, he wasn't fooled into promising
he'd do whatever I asked which is what I'd been hoping for. Instead
he said cautiously, "I'll do what I can."
    This was it,
the moment I threw my dignity to the wind. I took a deep breath and
looked down at the floor, not because I was trying to act sweet and
innocent, but because I honestly couldn't bear to see the look on
his face when I told him my idea.
    "I need to
learn," I said in a very small, quiet voice. "You have to teach
me…" I faltered here as the whole thing was really just too sordid
to put into words. I thought I had a good grasp of the English
language, but I had no clue how to put my dilemma to him.
    "Teach you…?"
He prompted.
    "Teach me it !" I finally choked out. "What happens when you actually like
the…touching and the….the…fondling and the… it , you know." I had never been so
embarrassed in my life. The age old 'you could have fried on egg on
my face' adage actually seemed kind of plausible I felt that hot
and flustered. But - would you believe it? - Jack still hadn't
cottoned on to what I was on about. He looked at me completely
blankly and I could almost see his mind whirring as he tried to
connect the bits.
    "I can't put
out!" I finally screeched. "You have to teach me how to put out.
Sex, Jack, sex and all that comes before and after, do you get
me?"
    And, finally,
he did get me.
    "Jesus Christ,
Tally!" He leapt off the bed and stood in the furthest corner of
the room, his expression verging on horrified. "You can't be
serious!"
    I stood up as
well, but didn't go towards him, considering his reaction to my
idea he might have panicked and jumped out the window if I got too
close.
    "Just listen to me, please," I begged. "It's not as awful as
it sounds." A damn lie by the