Sleep Talkin' Man Read Online Free Page A

hear this on the recording tomorrow” grum. It still works.
    Yeah, Happy Valentine’s Day.
Thanks for fucking me.
    Now I ’ m going to ask really nicely for you to un-fuck this situation.
    Just shut up.
Your voice is drowning me in a wave of bullshit.
    Yesterday I made history.
Tomorrow can suck today’s dick as far as I’m concerned.
    Guinea pigs make terrific drinking buddies. Just don’t eat them!
    I bring sassiness, sexiness, and awesomeness to the table. What the fuck do you bring, dickhead?
    I really wanna kiss your face … with my fucking fist.
    Steady … steady … focus … FUCK!
Concentrate, concent—oh shit! SHIT!
Hmm, there we go … Ther—
Oh ass cunt wobbly tits!
I give up. I’ll never balance this penny.
    Yeah, shove it in sideways until you can’t see any sunlight.
It may hurt, but it’s the only way you’re gonna keep those potatoes dry.
    Who put the broccoli with the papaya?! Don ’ t EVER put the broccoli with the papaya.
The papaya needs no friends.
Leave the broccoli out of it.
    Oh, I love the space you leave behind when you go away. So please, fuck off and give me back that space.
    My eyeballs are sticky. Will you lick them for me? Make sure you get all the way into the tear ducts. Mmmm.
    You over there,
you’re going to be my friend today …
I don’t know about tomorrow,
let’s just get through today, asshole.
    Yeah. I ’ m gonna cook monkey brain.
Tell them it ’ s cauliflower.
I love the sound of veggies retching in the toilet.
    Don’t you give me those puppy eyes.
Put ‘em back. Puppy needs them.
    I am the hummus of knowledge.
And you are the breadstick to dip.
    Bring it on, King Kong. I’ll kick your monkey ass right back to the jungle.
    Little hands can ’ t manhandle.
No. They can only minihandle.
Oh, pity those little digits.
    My ass rocks. Don’t you just love it?
You love my ass, can’t take your eyes off it.
    I’ve got a horrible urge to catch tuna in your stockings. Sustainably, of course.
    I am the lord of all pirates! I’ve got the treasure map to find ALL treasure maps.
Beat that, suckers!
    You try so hard, and you fall so short. Just give up, numbnuts.
It will save you a lifetime of pain and shame. Your life: fail.
    Why don’t you come back to me when your brain’s decided that it wasn’t designed to be a shit box, okay?
Run along now.
    It’s NOT a fat ass.
I suffer from Hippo-bottom-mass.
You should feel sorry for me.
    You know, it ’ s not easy being me.
You should try it. I bet that after just five minutes, you ’ ll then have an incredibly healthy respect for how amazing I am.
    OK, so that’s your weekend homework.
Go home and slap grandma.
    Come to me my penguin brothers and penguin sisters and dance your dark winter dance and flap and flap those fin-like wings
    Oompa loompas don’t sing in heaven.
They tidy up the clouds.
    Nobody told me I couldn’t bring that to tea. Why can’t I bring it to tea?
I’m really sorry to have upset you.
It’s not my fault, I thought it was OK.
Oh, it’s not fair. You’re bastards and you’re trying to spoil my fun.
Go on. I’m taking the iguana home.
    Come on. Let ’ s all go be happy in front of some miserable people.
    â€œWhere—Where’s my coconut?
I know you moved it. Give it back to me.
I want my coconut! I can’t pee without my coconut. I’m going to peeeeee. Oh, I’ll have to get a new coconut. Mmm, that one was just the right size … and furry.
Coconuuuuuut … coconuuuut … where aaaaaarre yooouuu? Mmmm. Bollocks.”
ME:
You said, “Where’s my coconut? I can’t pee without my coconut! It was just the right size. Coconuuut … coconuuut.” You just went on and on.
ADAM :
Well, they may all look the same, I’m sure coconuts feel they’re individual.
ME:
If coconuts feel enough to know