Searching Hearts Read Online Free Page A

this.
    I haven’t kissed anyone besides Jack in over
twelve years. Marriage plus courtship. And it never – and I mean never – felt like this. My heart is pounding. My
starved-for-attention body is dripping with desire. I’ve never
cheated on Jack. Until I make it really clear that we are over,
this is cheating. I can’t cheat – I’m not a cheater. My best friend
Noelle’s husband cheated on her and she nearly ate all of Arizona
while simultaneously hanging herself with a metaphoric rope of cork
from all the wine bottles she’d sucked dry.
    I am not a cheater. I’m just not. I can’t
be. Shit shit shit shit shit shit SHIT.
    Wrapping my arms tightly around me, I
stumble on a chunk of rock I didn’t see. “Ooh.”
    “You okay?” he asks.
    I sneak a peek at him. “I’m fine.”
    “You don’t seem fine.” His beautiful
eyebrows are knit together…and I want to kiss the temporary little
lines.
    A sharp angle to the right and I’m almost to
my cottage. “I’m fine. Really.”
    “Rebecca…” His voice pulls at me with sweet
longing.
    He’s so young; so new, fresh and un-jaded.
He embodies all of what I want for myself. I want to feel hopeful
about life again. Young in mind if I can’t be younger in body. I
head toward middle age with unacceptable speed. I don’t want to
feel like it’s over!
    I spin around. “I’m not fine.”
    “How can I help?”
    A huff of air escapes my lungs and I look
everywhere around me. “I want you to help me. I want you…”
    “I want you, too. Is there any reason we
can’t?”
    My mind races. I want to say that I’m newly
separated… as in yesterday! I want to tell him that he scares me! I
want to confess that I haven’t kissed anyone besides my husband
since Brendan was probably in grade school! But instead I whisper a
lie. “No. There’s no reason.”
    He smiles and my heart fills with steam,
looking at it. “You probably just want someplace more private than
a tree?”
    I laugh. I loved the tree! The tree wasn’t
the problem. Biting my lip, I shake my head and grin at him. “Would
you like to see my cottage?”
    “I’d like to see more than just your
cottage.” He flashes a sexy grin.
    Nervously, I turn. “Follow me.”
    He walks a few steps behind me and I can
feel my ass heating up under his appreciative stare. I walk up the
porch, sliding the key out of my bag, but I never get the chance to
use it. Because the door opens, and there, looking at me with red,
tired eyes and crumpled airplane/rental car clothing, is my
husband.
    An emotional storm waves through me,
rendering me able to utter only one terrified word. “Jack!”
    “Surprised?” he asks, smiling weakly.
Brendan keeps walking as though we don’t know each other. Behind me
I hear his footsteps continuing on to his own cottage.
    My heart goes with him, as I stare at my
husband. “Very! What are you doing here?”
    “I made the reservation for this place. It’s
our anniversary, remember?” His forced smile hurts me. Did Brendan
hear him say anniversary? I look right and see Brendan pause before
he disappears into his cottage. He heard.
    I walk past my husband and close the door.
We don’t hug. Men are like dogs – he’d smell young man meat
lingering on my mouth and would know what I’ve been doing.
    “When you didn’t answer your phone and I
couldn’t find you, even called Noelle, I figured you had to have
come here.”
    My mind is spinning so badly. I’m only half
listening. I’m only capable of making two sounds. “Uh-huh.”
Brendan’s arms. The smell of his shampoo…I walk into the tiny
cottage kitchen. Stand with my back to the counter, my hands
gripping onto it as I face out so I can stare at my husband and try
to focus.
    “I can’t believe you flew out here on your
own.” He laughs like he didn’t think I had it in me. This breaks
through. Familiar. Angry. Done.
    “You act as though I can’t do anything on my
own, Jack.”
    He blinks. His eyes flash