Searching Hearts Read Online Free Page B

annoyance. It’s
back on. “I never said that. It’s just you don’t really do anything
without me and I…”
    “That’s just it! I don’t. I’ve let you
dictate my whole life for the last ten years!” My hands are tightly
gripped on the counter for support.
    He holds his hand to his forehead like it
hurts. “What? What are you talking about? We’ve had a great
marriage, Bec.”
    “It’s been great for you. It hasn’t been
great for me.”
    “Wait wait wait now. You just said it
yourself. You let me dictate your life – you let me.
I didn’t ask you to stop working. I didn’t ask you to follow me
around like a puppy dog without any opinions of your own!”
    That hits way too close to home for me not
to blow my top. “A PUPPY DOG!!! I would have had opinions – JACK –
if you wouldn’t have been so damned domineering.” My feet carry me
quickly into the little bedroom where the romantically lit,
fire-burning stove mocks me. “Oh shut up!” I yell at it.
    “Hey! We don’t say shut up –
remember?”
    I sink onto the bed. “I’m sorry.” That was
my rule: never swear at each other, tell each other to shut up, or
go to bed angry. Slippery slopes to a nasty marriage. I don’t tell
him that I was talking to the stove. He wouldn’t get it and then
I’d feel like an idiot for explaining. And explaining. And
explaining.
    I don’t want to explain anymore.
    “What’s going on, Bec?” He’s staring at
me.
    The answer is very simple and very sad.
“It’s over, Jack. It’s just over.”
    He shakes his head. “I don’t know what to
say.” He stares off into an uncertain future, resting on the
doorframe. All I can see are his white sneakers and the ring on his
finger. I asked for stable. I asked for what I got, but I was
wrong. It’s not enough and I am going to die someday. I want to
live. I want to be on my own and travel the world. I want to know
what it feels like to go to another country and not know where my
hotel is, and find my own way there. I want to be independent (and
have lovers on the side).
    “I need to find out who I am without being
defined by my husband and what he wants,” I say, quietly.
    His eyes, so familiar to me, lock on mine
and tear up. “I don’t know why you can’t do that with me.”
    “History has shown I can’t, hasn’t it?”
    He nods and pushes off to walk into the
living room. I sit and listen to him make his way to the door.
Jumping up, I run after him. “Are you leaving?”
    With his hand on the doorknob, his body
facing away, he mumbles, “Yeah.” He looks over his shoulder and I
see tears on his cheeks. “I’ll drive up the coast and find
somewhere else to stay. I need some time to think.”
    “Okay.”
    A deep crease of pain clouds his brow. “I’ll
see you back home.”
    “No. You won’t. Goodbye, Jack.” I turn and
disappear into the bedroom, resting my head against the cool, wood
wall as I listen to the door close on a chapter of my life. My
heart pounds like a ticking clock as I listen to him leave.
    He’s gone. It’s over. I’m free.
    I breathe. Out cobwebs, in fresh air. Out
confinement, in liberty. Out security, in adventure. But then the
door opens again and frustration pours cold water over my heart. I
don’t want to explain anymore – just go already! I whip out of the
bedroom, ready to fight for a life I know I need.
    “Brendan!” Brendan closes the door, the door
latching with a slow thunk.
    “You’re married?” His jaw is tight. Eyes
firm. “Was that your husband?” He pushes his hands into his jeans,
biceps tensing. “I watched him drive away.”
    I can’t speak when he looks at me like this.
I walk to him and silently nod.
    “He drives a Prius.”
    My eyebrows fly up and before I realize I’m
even talking, my thoughts are voiced. “He even rented one of those
things?”
    Brendan’s lips twist into a sexy smirk, and
for the first time the sardonic thing he’s been trying at, becomes
real. Him seeing my