complicationsâ¦â
No, he was killed.
In my head, I was adamant.
âWhy do you say so, Nehemiah?â
I stayed silent.
He asked me again.
Much as I wanted to confide in him, at the time I couldnât bring myself to explain.
If art is preservation, it is also confession.
Few lectures stay with me from my university daysâa class on DH Lawrenceâs language of synesthesia, Woolfâs complex layering of time, Ismat Chughtaiâs seething denouncement of the worldâand those that do were mostly delivered by Doctor Mahesar. A professor of petite yet rotund build and razor-sharp articulation. His tutorial room was atop the college building, on the open, flat roof, overlooking the lawns andtrees, where in the evening, squawking parrots came to roost. In the summer, it was unbearable, a compact, vicious furnace, with only the rare, welcome visitation of a breeze.
One morning, we discussed âThe Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock.â
We watched beads of sweat form on Doctor Mahesarâs forehead, and stream gently down the contours of his face. Before him, bent over our Annotated T. S. Eliot, we similarly perspiredâthe smell of sweat, pungent as a sliced onion, hung in the air. Last year, under identical sweltering conditions, Doctor Mahesar had thrown his text on the table. âI give up.â He said he couldnât teach âShall I compare thee to a summerâs dayâ without crumbling under the weight of irony.
Naturally, he was everyoneâs favorite professor.
That day, everyone in the room hoped for a similar tirade, seeing there was mention of fog and cool winter evenings, but no such shenanigans took place.
âHow does the poem begin?â he asked, holding the text up to us like a mirror.
There was a mumble of voicesâ Let us go then, you and I⦠when the evening is spread out against the skyâ¦
âThat is incorrect.â
Small circles of confusion spun around the room. Finally, a girl in the front row spoke up, âIt begins with an epigraph.â
âThank you, Ameya. Yes, it begins with an epigraph.â
âYou mean the part we canât understand,â said someone from the back.
âYes, Noel. The part in Italian, which, if youâve heard of it, is a Neo-Latin Romance language spoken mainly in Europe.â
The class sniggered.
â Sâio credesse che mia risposta fosse, a persona che mai tornasse al mondo ⦠Now, Iâm sure thereâs someone here who can recite it for us word for word in translation.â
There was deep and resolute silence.
The professor spoke the lines softly.
âIf I but thought that my response were made to one perhaps returning to the world, this tongue of flame would cease to flicker⦠But since, up from these depths, no one has yet returned alive, if what I hear is true, I answer without fear of being shamed. So you see, the poem begins with the promise of a secret between the soul of the dead⦠and you.â
He placed the book on the table and mopped his forehead with a large white handkerchief.
âWhy do you think this is poised as a confession?â The class stared back, blank as the blackboard behind him. âBecause thatâs the psychology of secrets,â he explained. âPeople have a primitive or compelling need to divulge their emotional experiences to others. Confessions can be written as letters, notes, diaries, or in this case, an entire poemâ¦â
For a long time I couldnât tell Nicholas about whoâd killed Lenny.
I felt it was the promise of a secret between the soul of the dead and me.
It may have been a coincidence, as these things usually are, but after the talk in the conference hall, I frequently noticed Nicholas around campus. It wasnât all too difficult to spot him, since he was one of few Caucasians around, although admittedly Delhi University had seen its fair share of white folk, most of