Sapphire and Shadow (A Woman's Life) Read Online Free Page B

have been unthinkable. She laid awake at night, missing him, missing the intimacy that had once been hers alone, feeling sorry for herself, feeling angry with him and cursing the fate that had fulfilled his fantasies beyond his wildest dreams and done this to them.
    “Where’s Jocelyn?” Johanna asked.
    “Right here, Mom.”
    Johanna turned around as the young girl came up behind her. At twelve, she was up to Johanna’s shoulder, her young body strong and hard, just beginning to reach out to the ripening that was to be. She had long, shimmery silver-blond hair just like her mother and looked, just as Johanna did, much taller than she really was. At the moment, her hair was pulled back from her face and neatly arranged in a French twist.
    “How do you like it?” Jocelyn twirled around, hand on hip, showing off her new look.
    Johanna’s mouth hardened as she shot Megan a disapproving glare. Megan raised her chin defiantly, but said nothing.
    “I don’t,” Johanna said.
    Jocelyn was wearing designer clothes meant for someone much older than she. The dress adhered to her young body almost provocatively. Her fresh face was carefully painted with blush and shadow and lipstick, creating an illusion of a child-woman.
    “Take it off.” Johanna’s voice was deadly still. “The dress, the make-up, take it all off.”
    Jocelyn’s wide smile turned into a petulant pout instantly. She took a step closer to the au pair girl. “But Megan said I looked sophisticated.”
    “Twelve-year-olds don’t need to look sophisticated. They need to look clean.”
    Jocelyn dug in. “I’m not a baby any more.”
    To lose her temper would gain her nothing. Johanna smiled, tempering her words. “No, but you’re not a grownup either, my love.” She took her chin in her hand. When Jocelyn attempted to retreat, she tightened her hold, though careful not to hurt her. “I’m afraid you’re in that valley betwixt and between right now. You’ll be old soon enough. Enjoy all this while you can.”
    “You don’t let me enjoy anything!” Jocelyn snapped back, pulling away. She played her ace card triumphantly. “Daddy said he liked it.”
    “Daddy likes strolling hostesses of the evening,” Johanna murmured under her breath, looking pointedly at Megan, “and has very little taste left anymore. There’s the bathroom sink, Jocelyn,” she pointed behind her. “Use it.”
    Jocelyn flounced out of the room and slammed the bathroom door behind her.
    “Mrs. Whitney,” Megan began, folding her hands before her, “I didn’t think—“
    Johanna whirled around. The smile was still on her face, but it had hardened. “No, I’m sure you didn’t,” Johanna said. “Next time, please do. Her name is Jocelyn, not Lolita.”
    Megan stared at her, confused. “What?”
    Johanna waved her hand at the younger woman. “Before your time, I imagine. An old movie. An even older book.”
    She remembered sneaking into the theater her best friend’s father owned to see it. Forbidden fruit at the time. Her mother had had a fit and called to upbraid Mr. Wyatt for his careless lack of supervision. She had been embarrassed for days. “Might seem tame by today’s standards,” she mused. “But it goes without saying that I want Jocelyn to stay twelve until she reaches thirteen.” By which time, you’ll be gone, Johanna promised herself. “And so on. One step at a time, understood?”
    “Yes, ma’am.” Megan’s smile, as well as the polite tone she used, was forced.
    Ma’am. God, that word made her feel old. Old and ugly and unloved. It seemed as if there was very little these days that didn’t.
    Johanna went to her room to get dressed.
    When she emerged again, Jocelyn’s door was still closed. She hesitated before it, debating whether to give the young girl her space or talk to her. No, there was too much space giving and not enough communication these days, Johanna thought. Space was just another term for emptiness. Nothing was solved with