Sapphire and Shadow (A Woman's Life) Read Online Free Page A

of that. If she did, Johanna knew she would die.
    She took the huge bath towel from the rack on the wall and slowly began to blot her body. She looked at herself critically. She was still young, still blessed with a good figure. She was still the same person she had been inside. She could make it work.
    Besides, there was Jocelyn.
    At the thought of her twelve-year-old daughter, the tiny lines etched by sadness about her mouth began to soften. Jocelyn was her pride and joy, the embodiment of everything good in her life. She was everything that a mother could want, bright, sunny, pretty, with the promise of startling beauty just a few years away. Whatever happened between her and Harry, right or wrong, at least they had created this one sweet life. Perhaps that would have to be enough.
    She looked at herself again and raised her chin. C’mon, ]oey, no one said life was going to be fair. Or easy. You’re only down and out when you give up. Don’t give up .
    “Terrific.” Johanna drew away. “Now I’m giving myself pep talks in the mirror.”
    She laughed, but the laugh rang hollow. She had never felt this empty, this hollow before. All her rationalizations, all her logic were failing her now. She knew she was hanging on by her fingertips and they were beginning to grow numb. But hang on she was bound to do until she found a way to make it right again.
    What else could she do? She couldn’t give up totally.
    That wasn’t her. Her father, a gentle-voiced man with infinite patience, had taught her never, ever to give up. And so she was bound to try again.
    With a sigh, Johanna wrapped the towel around her body. Taking a second towel, she fashioned a terry cloth turban for her hair. She was going to go to Harry and ask for a truce, to tell him that they had to start over again. It wouldn’t be the first time she had said those words, but maybe this time they would stick. Maybe he was reaching bottom, just like she was, feeling just as desperate. Maybe he wanted a change and didn’t know how to go about it. And maybe, she prayed, together they could regain what they had once had.
    She squared her shoulders and opened the bathroom door.
    She heard movement in the next room. “Harry?” she called out. “Harry, I want to talk to you.”
    But when she walked out into the area that served as a sitting room for the suite, Harold wasn’t there. Instead, she saw Megan, the young woman she had hired to help take care of Jocelyn while they were in London. Ariel Natwik had resigned her position as nanny, citing the fact that she was getting on in years. But Johanna knew better. She knew that the old woman left them because she disapproved of Harold and the lifestyle that he lived.
    Jocelyn had protested that she was too old for a nanny, so Megan was hired as a compromise.
    A compromise, Johanna thought dryly, in more ways than one.
    Large brown eyes swept over Johanna’s towel-clad body.
    Comparing us, Megan, dear? Johanna thought. I’m not ready for the glue factory yet, even if I am twelve years older.
    Instinctively, Johanna moved regally into the room. She had learned long ago how to deal with uncomfortable situations and keep the other person from knowing just what she felt.
    “Harry, um, Mr. Whitney’s left for the studio, Mrs. Whitney,” Megan told her, her eyes not meeting Johanna’s.
    “I see.”
    And what would I see if our eyes met, little girl, Johanna thought. Guilt, remorse? Or a smugness? Don’t you think I know?
    The dark-haired, sloe-eyed Megan had been to bed with Harry. Probably more than once. He could still be very, very charming when he wanted to be.
    It seemed, Johanna thought, that Harry was having an affair with everyone these days, everyone but her. Even though she had insisted on coming along with him on this trip to London despite his assertions that he was going to be busy with the film, nothing had changed between them. They were still occupying separate rooms, where once separate beds would