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in the world, and I can’t wait to get it!
    The last thing I want for Christmas are these really cool power ranger weapons that are amazing. My friend Jory has them, and I play with them all the time, I think he gets mad. I want him to stop getting mad at me, so I really hope you can find them, or make them up at the North Pole…they are so cool. Once you see them, you’ll know exactly what I mean!
    Well Santa, I know my list is short, but that’s all that I want this year. I hope you’ll be able to bring me everything I asked for.
    Thank you,
Mark

    Dear Mark,
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    Don’t you think you’re a little old to still be writing to me? I mean, you’re eighteen for Chrissake! And that wasn’t a Tonka truck you saw in that commercial recently. It was a Humvee, and the happy guys you saw riding in it were doing an ad for the Army. That’s where the cool hat comes in, too. And you’ll be getting both of them even sooner than Christmas, minus the body armor of course. The National Guard program you joined to get out of sixth period study hall is rolling out to Iraq next month. Of course, you won’t be armed with the Power Ranger weapons they promised you when you signed up. I actually have them up at the North Pole ready to go. Unfortunately, my bid to produce them for the Army was rejected, despite coming in lower than anyone else’s. The winning bidder, Haliburton, should have them ready for you in about ten years—assuming you last that long.
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    Good luck!
    SANTA

DEAR SANTA,
    I HOPE YOU LIKE MY COOKIES AND MILK CAN YOU NAME ALL YOUR REINDEER TELL MRS. CLAUS HEY HOW ARE YOUR ELVES DO YOU DECORATE OR DO YOU PUT UP TREE
    Â 
    BYE SANTA
MALI MCKEE
    P.S. SAY WHATSUP TO YOUR REINDEER

    Dear Mali,
    Â 
    Punctuation is an amazing thing. Take the following sentence:
    No presents will be coming this year for Mali McKee.
    The insertion of just one single comma can turn this from being your worst Christmas ever to one of your best. What? You never paid any attention in school when they were teaching you about commas? Or spelling? Or basic punctuation? Well isn’t that a shame?
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    Better luck next year!
    SANTA

Dear Santa,
hello I am 9 and I would like 3 things
#1. A book set, #2.new arts and crafts, and #3
a couple webkinz.
How does your sled work? Did you know that
Christmas is my favorite holiday!
Love,
Liv 9

    Dear Liv,
    Â 
    I’ll be curious to hear if Christmas is still your favorite holiday after this year. As requested, I’ll be bringing you the following:
    #1 The Internal Revenue Service 1991 Tax Code (all eighteen volumes in the set!)
    #2 The Junior Jackson Pollack Paint-By-Number Kit
    #3 The carcasses of half a dozen insects I’ve carefully extracted from the spider web that hangs in the corner of my office
    At age 9 you should know how to phrase your requests more precisely.
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    Ask and ye shall receive!
    Â 
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    SANTA

Dear Santa,
    Hi! I want a puppy for Christmas. How do your elves make gifts? I hope I have been a good boy. I love my parents. Do you? Please come to my house. Do you like puppys? I hope I can see you!
    You friend,
Henry Sellers

    Dear Henry,
    Â 
    What an unusual question. Do I love my parents? To be honest, I really hadn’t thought of them in years. Most people assume I’m an orphan thanks to the efforts of a publicity agency I hired back in the 1950’s. They suggested going with the whole orphan thing as a way of mythologizing my past and creating an aura of mystery about my origins. The truth is that I did have parents. From an early age they trained me in the art of toy making. But did they ever let me play with the toys I created? No. They made me give them all away. Did it make me bitter? You bet. Did I take on the role of toymaker to the world in an attempt to win the favor of two nasty parents who ultimately would never be satisfied no matter how many toys I made and gave away?
    Now