Santa Claus Read Online Free

freeloader you both call your father (don’t worry, he really isn’t) will be moving on right after your mother loses her job because of having no way to get to work. Unfortunately, she’ll soon begin a career that she can perform from home and additional half-siblings will be the result. Do not attach yourself to any of them. Make the most of the baseball I’ll be bringing you this year. Your real father was the captain of the Duke University baseball team (enjoying a little Spring Break R&R) and you’ve inherited his brains and his talent ten times over. Pursue scholarships, and keep them a secret from your parasitic family. When you’re accepted for a full ride at your father’s alma mater, leave these soul-suckers behind and never look back.
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    I’m pulling for you,
    SANTA

Dear Santa Claus,
    All I want for Christmas is a new like I hope the elves at the North Pole know how to make a bike for me. I want it to be blue. Blue is my favorite color. What is your favorite color? I think it is red because that is the color of your suit!
    Shannon Riley Murphy says that you are just pretend, but she is always trying to trick me. I won’t let it work this time. Please write back so that I can show her you are real. I believe in you Santa. If there is a bike under the tree on Christmas Day then you really must be real.
    I don’t need a helmet for the bike. Your friend,
    Masato

    Dear Masato,
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    Don’t you know that true devotion and belief don’t require any physical proof to back them up? Of course that’s exactly the kind of impossible-to-prove bullshit that leads people to blow themselves up for imaginary virgins and to believe that books written by sadistic desert nomads are the unchallengeable word of God.
    In other words, good for you, Masato! If there’s any advice I could give you it would be don’t believe the claptrap that people like Shannon Riley Murphy will try to force-feed you throughout your life. Make ‘em provide the proof. Of course, you could take that to an extreme. Such as a refusal to believe in the importance of, oh…say, safety helmets. But don’t worry. Their importance will be made abundantly clear to you about seven weeks after you receive your beautiful new blue bike.
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    Enjoy it while you can!
    SANTA

Dear Santa,
    I was very good this year and now it’s payback time. Here is what you should bring me for Christmas:
    â€¢ a new BMX bike (red or orange, with 4 inch alloy rims)
    â€¢ money (at least $100, in small bills)
    â€¢ snowboard (you know the one I want; it’s the same one I asked for last year that you gave to Steve Alpher across the street by mistake)
    â€¢ Puma glides (black and silver glow strips)
    â€¢ an orange hoodie (not bright orange)
    â€¢ remote control submarine
    â€¢ a guitar (can you also arrange lessons?)
    â€¢ anything else you can think of…
    Thanks Santa. I know you’ll deliver this year. Tomas Murnz, 8
    P.S. Don’t forget: We don’t have a chimney, so please use the front door!

    Dear Tomas,
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    You’re a douche-bag.
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    Take it from me,
    SANTA

Hello Santa,
    As I’m writing this I can’t help thinking how dumb the world is. You completely disguised yourself. Living in the coldest place on earth using elves. Tell me, how much do you pay the mafia to keep you quiet? After all, an anagram for Santa is Satan. Hmm. How much would you pay me to be quiet? Just to show you I love you I’ll take a European country, preferably Italy. I might as well rule the mafia too.
    Sincerely,
    (ME) Soon to be ruler of the earth (or at least Italy)
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    P.S. You know who I am.
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    P.P.S. And to all the stupid earth people, think about coal. How do you keep Hells firers running? Coal. So who would have coal? Satan. And who gives out FREE coal (no matter how expensive)? Santa. Think about it.
    Obviously,
    Faith, 5th