Santa Claus Read Online Free Page A

grade
    Â 
    P.P.P.S. Santa favors bad children since coal can be sold for money. While the good little kids sit around staring at the hot wheels cars the bad kids are buying million dollar estates. Hmmm. I wonder, Satan would favor bad kids. They end up lawyers.

    Dear Faith,
    Â 
    You’re one of those smart people who just doesn’t realize how stupid you actually are. You over-think every aspect of life to the point where you come to believe idiotic things like the Mafia killed Kennedy, aliens landed at Roswell, and the Iraq war wasn’t about oil or petty revenge. You take moronic coincidences like my name being an anagram for Satan as concrete proof that it’s true. The reason I leave coal for bad kids is that there’s NOTHING a kid can do with just a single rock of it.
    As less intelligent kids go on to be far more happy and successful than you, you’ll become increasingly bitter and delusional, blaming everyone but yourself for the crappy place your life has taken you. So hold onto the lump of coal I’ll be bringing you this year. If you’re not successful at selling it to someone for a million dollars, let it serve as a reminder that the only person responsible for your life sucking is you.
    Â 
    Â 
    Â 
    You heard it here first,
    SATAN
    (oops...I mean Santa)

Dear Santa,
    I need a new pair of pants because I ripped them and now I’m in my yellow polka dot bunny butterfly flower smiley face underwear.
    From,
April

    Dear April,
    Â 
    You only own one pair of pants? You have bigger problems than I can help solve.
    Â 
    Â 
    Â 
    Thanks for writing!
    SANTA

Dec. 24, 2001
    Dear Santa,
    Â 
    Hi I’m kylie Barker! I was just wondering how do you get the presents? Do you order them? Do you make them? This year for Christmas I would like a Wii,
    Laptop, Webkinz, and clothes. Tell the elves, Mrs.
    Claus, and the reindeer I said hi! Have a nice BREAK!
    Love Always,
Kylie
    P.S. How do you get down the chimney?!

    Hi Kylie,
    Â 
    Honestly, don’t you think you should have written to me a little earlier? A letter cobbled together on the afternoon of Christmas Eve is hardly going to get to me on time—especially given the incompetence of the US Postal Service. I once mailed a package in Manhattan that was addressed to my literary agent (look for my autobiography coming soon!) just thirty blocks away. It took TEN DAYS to get there!!
    As for how I get the presents, I have them made in China just like everyone else. Their handwork is so tiny I’d almost swear they were using children to do it. And I’m not sure what they put in their paints, but the colors are so vibrant they almost make my head spin. Best of all, I don’t have any of the labor union issues I used to have with the elves.
    Â 
    Â 
    Â 
    Take THAT, Toymaker’s Local Seven!
    SANTA

Dear Santa,
    Â 
    Hey big guy, I’ve been waiting all year to write you this letter again. I hope you know that I’ve been a really good boy this whole entire year, well, except for the one time that I pushed Bryan down the stairs because he punched my best friend in the face. Bryan deserved it, so you can’t punish me too bad, I know I was very wrong and I went to detention for three weeks because of it!!!
    Anyway, this year for Christmas, I want only a few things. I don’t want to be greedy because I know there’s a lot of other kids out there that deserve more things than I do, you should give more to them than me because I got a lot of things last year anyway.
    Â 
    Starting with the biggest thing I want, it’s this Tonka truck that I saw on this commercial once, it was big and yellow, and I could drive all my friends around in it; well, one at a time, but still. All the kids in the commercial looked very happy, and all year I was imagining one of those kids being me. The next thing I want is this really cool army hat I saw when I was shopping with my mom once. It’s the coolest hat