Real Ultimate Power Read Online Free Page B

time.
    Basically, ninjas came from Japan, which is screaming distance from China. Every single person in Japan gets to learn karate, even the fat ones. It’s like a fantasy. Japanese people use chopsticks for forks and use forks as pocket-weapons. But, before there were ninjas in Japan, there were samurais. I used to be really into samurais. I thought they were so great and everything. I couldn’t even do my homework or finish dessert. I would talk about samurais ALL THE TIME. People couldn’t stand being around me, and I don’t blame them. I refer to that time as my “crazy days.”
    Mark used to be into samurais back then, too. We would stay up all night thinking about them, and we wouldn’t even have to talk. We’d just be sitting on the floor, thinking about how sweet they were. Then, Mark and I would pretend to be in an ancient samurai’s bedroom fighting demons. But after a while he started to wear cologne and hair spray, which didn’t make sense, because samurais didn’t have access to that kind of stuff. He stopped caring about the details. And pretty soon, he stopped caring about samurais all together, which was crazy! And when I’d call and talk to him about samurais, he always had to go, because he said his mom needed his help, but I never heard her in the background. I’m not into samurais any more, though. I’m moving on, putting my life in order and my toys away. I’m growing up, and it’s showing everyday. I was too scared before, but now, I’m not afraid. I’ll stare people right down. And they always look away. And before samurais, I was into zombies. And before that, it 20 was 21 catapults. 22

Who Would Win?
    Ninjas vs. Anybody

    Did You Know?
    Most people, if given a choice, would probably think about ninjas all day.

    S ince ninjas fight all the time, they have a lot of enemies. So here, I have collected a list of ninjas’ most formidable opponents and will talk about how bad ninjas would kill them in a REAL fight.
    Vikings
    Viking are pretty cool, but you can’t understand them, because they only speak through plundering and raping. Ninjas don’t have anything to steal, and if a Viking tries to rape a ninja, oh man, that Viking would get a surprise—how about a six-foot-boner-uppercut?
    Pirates
    These guys are the crap de la crap. They think that they’re pretty sweet with the boats and lasers, but they really aren’t, if you ask me. Number one, they can only use their magic on water. So basically, they are stupid and boring on land. And number two, they could only beat a ninja if the ninja had the flu, chicken pox, measles, mumps, and A.D.D. all at once. And that would probably never happen.
    Moms
    Moms are one of the ninjas’ arch enemies. They always try to make ninjas clean up messes no matter how messy they are. Moms have screaming power and level nine spanking, which makes them pretty lethal. But ninjas have level forty-five spanking defense. So moms are pretty useless against ninjas, which is a good thing. Nevertheless, if a ninja is winning against a mom, the mom can send a mammogram to other moms in the neighborhood for backup.
    Fairies
    All fairies want to do is sprinkle magic sauce on you to make you fly. AND THAT’S BULLCRAP!
    Knights
    Knights are pretty charming and polite, which may cause jealousy and anger in the ninja, making him react in strange ways, like accidentally slapping a cousin in the mouth because he got a home run and you’re too fat to get to first base. But if a ninja realizes that sometimes other people are better than them at certain things, they’ll be able to beat a knight’s ass correctly.
    Baby-sitters
    There’s no doubt that a ninja would beat a baby-sitter’s ass real bad, but baby-sitters are super weird. This, I know. Because I’m not allowed over to Mark’s house anymore and Mom went back to work to “get the fuck away from