Real Ultimate Power Read Online Free Page A

into a huge tarp. Then the police would come see this bus just hanging from a tree, and they’d start screaming because they couldn’t understand what was going on. And the ninja would take the big bag of people and toss it into a lake where everybody inside would try to get out, but instead they’d end up scratching and kicking each other. And the ninja would sit on top and spread a blanket over the bubbling bag and enjoy a picnic with his friends and neighbors. The sun would keep the food warm, and they would look at each and know that everything’s going to be okay.
    Porking
    Ninjas are the toughest lovers ever! They are romantic and classy, making them a great opponent in any mating ritual. And after some wine, they spray nectar on their territory to attract mates, which usually works.
    X-ray vision
    With X-ray vision, a ninja can see through anything. A ninja uses this skill mostly for spying on victims or checking out women’s crotches. Ninjas can relax on a park bench during the weekend and look at vaginas all day, and nobody will ever know.

Top Eleven Reasons Why Ninjas Kill People
    P icture an awesome field with tall grass and sunlight. Some deer are talking in the corner, but it’s nothing big. Then there’s you—face down and naked—all because you couldn’t shut your frigg’n mouth. A lot of people die from ninjas. I mean A LOT. And they all probably died for different reasons. And if you were to ask eleven different people what they thought about ninjas, you’d probably get one answer: “Totally sweet.” But that doesn’t mean if you ask eleven different ninjas why they killed somebody, they’ll give you the same answer. Here are some reasons why a ninja might kill you:
    1. Talking crap about somebody
    2. Being stupid
    3. Being retarded
    4. Telling a teacher that somebody has fireworks in their pocket when it doesn’t HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU
    5. Telling secrets about your best buddy to get people to like you
    6. Liking someone your friend likes
    7. Saying that you like somebody, but deep inside, you don’t
    8. Or liking somebody and telling them and everything, but as soon as they start liking you, you stop liking them, ’cause you’re almost fully retarded
    9. Giving your son dish detergent and a vacuum for Christmas, which doesn’t make sense, when all he really wanted was a robot that turned into a gun
    10. Giving somebody homework on Halloween
    11. Telling somebody that you’re going to come over and spend the night, and they wait for like three hours with the phone in their hand, and they even pooped in a bowl so they didn’t miss you in case you knocked, but, guess what, you never showed up, and they call your house, and your mom picks up the phone and is like, “I don’t know where he is. I’ll tell him you called. So please stop calling.” And when they see you the next day at school, you’re like, “Oh. Sorry, I forgot.”

Japan
    (Where Ninjas Basically Came From)

    Did You Know?
    If you lived in Japan during the time of ninjas, you’d be a pretty happy person.

    J ust imagine yourself being a ninja back in the olden days. It would just be you and a bunch of animals riding around the forest, and you could have your own castle with bears as guards that change shifts and everything. But, best of all, ninjas would be everywhere. A lot of people get the wrong idea about ninjas, because the only people to write about them were the ruling families of medieval Japan. Since they didn’t like ninjas AT ALL, they would talk huge amounts of crap about them, which isn’t fair when you think about it. They hated ninjas so much that back then, if somebody even mentioned the word “ninja,” they got their ass beat bad. And the only other people who wrote about them in the olden days were the British, and in case you haven’t heard, they were dicks—big