Putting the Madge in Danna Read Online Free Page B

Jessica McClintock
dry-clean only chiffon gown because I was stupid enough to keep it
on during our premiere nasty. I had to wear his tuxedo jacket home.
Luckily, I was able to sneak in without flack from my parents. They
always thought Zeus was (and is) a good boy so it was all good.
    We professed our love to each other that
night and vowed to follow The Chad Mavis Band on their tour as our
honeymoon someday, the way my Auntie Dodie followed the Grateful
Dead one summer with two girlfriends. It’s funny thinking about
this now, because it reminds me of roast beef sandwiches and red
wine, and the smell of that old inn mixed with the stench of
lubricated condoms.
    Our love has remained strong but Chad Mavis’
career tanked. My guess is drugs and such. It’s a shame he gave up
so soon. I mean, I’ve only been out of high school for like five
years. He obviously didn’t believe in self-efficacy or else he
would have tried harder to be the man we all thought he’d be.
Quitters are kind of a bummer.
    Well, now he runs a tiny recording studio in
Albany. It’s mostly for vanity CDs, people willing to pay top
dollar because in their minds they will be the next American Idol.
I bet Chad Mavis would have loved to have won on Idol had he ever
thought to try out. I sincerely suspect that he’s a little like
those contestants - vain. Most people who seek fame have that
glitch, like they like their weird psycho fans better than the
people in their life who really matter. Poor Cherilyn or whomever
he ended up with, I think. Zeus would never pick someone else over
me. He’s not much of a taste-tester.
    I’m sure Chad Mavis would be flattered to
have a groupie like me, right? Especially now, because he’s not
exactly Mick Jagger anymore, and because I’m not your
run-of-the-mill average freak. At least I don’t think I am. I’m not
a freak at all.
    I have an appointment this Friday to meet
with him. I’m using my wedding as a cover. You know, I’ll say I’m
thinking of having CDs made with our favorite music to give out as
wedding favors. Zeus and I talked about this so it is legit.
    How hard is it to seduce a man like that –
my Tin Man, the heartless record producer who only wants to make a
quick buck? I’m feeling very confident and so is my hooey. Let the
seduction begin.
    Comments:1
    I’m an actor. Please fuck
me. Rob, NY, NY
    ****
    First Contact
    Friday, JULY 24, 2009 - 6:00pm
    I made first contact with Chad Mavis. He
seemed the same as he had the night of my prom – the sparkling
eyes, the huge lips, only now he has a goatee and mustache combo
and he looked about twenty pounds heavier in his madras shorts with
protruding tum-tum and faded Chad Mavis Band T-shirt. His hair
appeared thinner too.
    The recording studio is actually in the
detached garage of a house in an upscale city neighborhood around
the corner from the Crossgates Mall. You go through the side door
and there’s a little bell that rings to notify Chad Mavis that he
has a customer. I’m pretty sure no one walks in off the street to
do this kind of thing without first phoning. Still, I half expected
him to be sitting there without his pants on or something, like I
had caught him with his pants down on my way to taking his pants
down (ha, ha). I guess because every time Zeus and I have sex it’s
like a porn video. I was already constructing the script in my head
for this scenario after reading so much about Madonna, you
know?
    But he was in there, alone, sitting hunched
over one of those tall stools in the recording booth, in front of
an unplugged microphone strumming a guitar. He nearly fell off his
chair when he saw me.
    I was wearing a raspberry pink floral
sundress to match the color of my pinky-pinkerson, which was pretty
juiced up at the thought of my devious plan to connect via
hooey-pricker with this man. I had just come from a mani-pedi, so
my nails were still a little wet – not really, but you know how it
is when you pay all that money and