Putting the Madge in Danna Read Online Free Page A

back.
Pretended I was being forced against my will to do all these
strange things with my facsimilies – you know, handcuffs and such.
Really made me get off quickly! Do you think Madonna tried out the
BDSM lifestyle? Those snapshots in that famous Sex picture book she sold looked
kind of realistic, didn’t they? Plus those scenes in Justify My Love when she
was crawling naked with that collar around her neck. And Body of Evidence ?
Critics thought she had gone too far with her sexual explicitness,
maybe she’d been indulging in all that, and more. Wow.
    You know what? I’m getting married, and I’m
pretty sure I won’t see any of that type of action if I don’t seek
it out Madonna style. Now or never, I’d say. Zeus might be named
for the Greek God, but keep in mind he has been raised with Eastern
Orthodox conservatism. We’ve done a lot of fun stuff but he’s never
tied me up, and I’m way too embarrassed to ask for it, lest he
think I’ve gone too far. Yep, I have a lifetime of normalcy ahead
of me as a married woman so this would be it gusto grab-wise.
    Madonna was married twice, to Sean Penn, an
actor, and Guy Ritchie, a director. But I can’t do both because
I’ll go over my Madonna dream-imposed limit of fucksters. It’s
either one or the other, or someone who’s both. Where will I find
that? The community players at the theatre around here are all
pretty much gay. I’m going to Manhattan for my bridal shower
though, and we’re staying right near all the theatres on
Broadway….
    If I don’t do that, then there’s that whole
A-Rod thing...I don’t know what that was – two separated people
hanging out. Were they talking religion? Steroid use maybe? If it
had been a fucky-wuck, well, baseball’s not really my sport. I get
that it’s all American and apple pie but, you know, those guys look
fat in their dorky costumes. I’m not sure I can do chubbadubb. Zeus
has promised me that he will remain studly throughout our marriage
or else I have permission to divorce him. It’s in our fake pre-nup,
the one we made the night we were pretending to be law clerk and
judge.
    We’ll see. Maybe I’ll bite the bullet and
squeeze in a bat toting athlete – if there’s time and there are no
other options.
    Okay, I say as I take a
deep breath. I’m doing this, whether you follow along or not,
bloggers (and since no one has commented, I do realize I could just
be talking to myself). I’m committed. But, in the event that
you are actually
out there - shush okay? Don’t tell anyone, because this, me fucking
like Madonna, is all on the down-low.
    Comments: 0
    ****
    The List
    Sunday, JULY 19, 2009 - 6:00pm
    All righty and mighty, so I’ve mapped out a
list of types, and I’m working on finding real men (and a woman) to
be facsimiles to Madonna’s lovers. It’s not in any particular order
except for the first one. Here’s what I’ve come up with:
the record producer
the black basketball star
the personal trainer
the lesbian
the Dom
the actor/director
    Six weeks, six fucks. Am I
still up to the challenge? You bet! Comments: 0
    ****
    Tin Man
    Monday, JULY 20, 2009 - 9:30am
    Chad Mavis’ band played at my high school
prom senior year. It was the Chad Mavis Band. We all thought he
would become wildly successful, you know, go solo, maybe even
parlay fame into movie star-slash-celebrity spokesperson for a
glamorous product like Grey Goose or Applebee’s. He was hot, kind
of like an American Mick Jagger circa 1968 - lean, longish dark
hair and a mouth that could swallow a cuntessa. His songs were
about love and video games, and drinking whiskey, but mostly they
involved a girlfriend named Cherilyn with long, dark hair, kinda
like mine was back then, before I highlight-blondified and trimmed
it.
    Zeus and I danced our heads off that night.
My pinkie was drenched in emollients of sexy juice by the time we
made it to the hotel room and pretended it was our wedding night.
Blood kind of gushed all over the back of my