Planet Janet in Orbit Read Online Free Page A

He’s only one step away from living in a doorway if you ask me.
    Disha rang as soon as she got home from the relatives. I told her all about Sigmund and Kilburn and the possibility that he’ll end up sleeping in front of Marks and Sparks. D said that’s Life, isn’t it? You never know what’s going to happen next. I said I know that’s true in a general sense, but even Nan’s cat, Mr Kipling, could’ve told Sigmund what would happen if he got caught fooling around with Mrs Kennedy like that. Disha said the reason Sigmund didn’t think that sleeping with Mrs Kennedy would destroy his life is because nobody really believes they’re going to get caught. She said didn’t I remember that politician who dared the press to discover him fooling around and then took some blonde he wasn’t married to on his boat? She said it was all over the papers. She said it was a bit like me and the Anti-Barbie: I always give the old bag the SAME EXCUSE for not playing hockey and then I’m surprised when she doesn’t believe me. I said I didn’t think it was the same thing at all. I said I thought it was much more like people not giving up smoking (as Disha said she could do WHENEVER she wanted!), because even though the cigarette packets are plastered with warnings like Danger of Death , they think they’re not going to get cancer. Disha said that if I meant
her
, the only reason she didn’t quit was because she hadn’t realized how HARD it was going to be. I said I didn’t see why not – it’s not like she hadn’t been TOLD . Sigmund’s been giving up since I was in primary school.

MONDAY 23 JULY
    Saduki’s got me working Mondays now too (I can’t refuse or he’ll stop asking – also, I’ve got to put something away so I can put Geek Boy’s money back before he returns from the Third World). So it was another day, another dozen enchiladas. The only good thing that happened was that I saw Ethan. I’m happy to tell you that, unlike the phoney Mexican and the Borstal Boys in the kitchen, Ethan shows NO INTEREST WHATSOEVER in Sky’s anatomy. In fact, he shows no interest in Sky AT ALL ! (Because Sky thinks she’s the Sun to everybody else’s Planet, she always comes into the Staff Cupboard when we’re in there, making a big deal of getting her stuff out of her locker and banging on about how HARD she works. But Ethan pretty much ignores her.) Even today when she leaned over him to get something (and practically SUFFOCATED the poor bloke in breasts), he kept right on talking to ME !
    Sigmund was let into the flat tonight because just as he was slouching off to the mean streets of Kilburn, Geek Boy rang up. Usually the male progeny doesn’t say more than three words a week, but when he’s ringing from THOUSANDS of miles away on SOMEONE ELSE’S phone bill he doesn’t shut up. Since the MC and Sigmund were fully occupied, I took the opportunity to have a long soak to try and ease my aching muscles. (Must ask Willow what essential oil is good for Physical Torture .) The parents were still on the phone when I got out of the bath. Not only that, but they’d opened a BOTTLE OF WINE !!! (In case you think this is normal procedure in the Bandry household, let me assure you that no one HAS EVER opened a bottle of wine because they were talking to ME !) So, of course, by the time they did finally hang up they forgot they only communicate in monosyllables now. Sigmund told the MC she was looking TERRIFIC (which is NOT what he said to me when my hair went red!), and the MC asked him how he was settling into his new flat. Except that they weren’t yelling at each other, it was almost like old times – the two of them IGNORING ME , as per usual. So I decided to join in the conversation. I asked how Justin liked South America, which seemed like a perfectly reasonable question to me. They both started laughing. I asked what was so funny about that, and the MC said only someone who had totally left the Earth’s orbit