Pigeon English Read Online Free Page B

anybody, the killer just wanted his Chicken Joe's.'
    Miquita: 'Whatever. You don't know shit, you're just a kid.'
    Me: 'You don't know either. Asweh, you're just a fool.'
    Miquita:
'Asweh, asweh! Asweh by God!
You sound like a little yappy dog. Get out of my face now, you're vexing me.'
    Me: 'Well your face is vexing me, fish lips.'
    I just split before I got too red-eyes. If Miquita ever sucks me off I'll kill her. She's too disgusting and she's got fat hands.

    The shopping centre doors open by magic. You don't even have to touch them. There's a big sign with all the rules written on it:
NO ALCOHOL
NO BICYCLES
NO DOGS
NO SKATEBOARDS
NO SMOKING
NO BALL GAMES
    Underneath the real rules somebody has written a new rule in pen:
NO FUGLIES
    A fugly is a girl who always wants a baby from you. Dean Griffin told me about them.
    Dean: 'If you kiss a fugly she'll have a baby every time. You only need to look at 'em for too long and you'll put a bun in their oven, I swear. They're rancid, man, stay well away.'
    You don't even want to get too close, they have scabs on their face and they smell like cigarettes. Their babies smell like cigarettes as well. We pretended like the fuglies were going to get us. They were zombies and they were all after us, we had to get away. If one of them kissed us we'd change into a fugly zombie. It was very funny. We got away just in time.
    Dean's my second-best friend. He's my best friend at school and Jordan is my best friend outside of school. It's Dean who told me to put my dinner money in my sock so the robbers can't find it. He does it all the time, now he never gets robbed anymore.
    I tried it but it felt too lumpy. I couldn't walk properly. I just keep my dinner money in my pocket. Nobody will rob me anyway, I haven't done anything to them.
    Me: 'Do you think it's the dead boy's own fault they chooked him? That's what my sister's friend said. I don't believe her. I think she might be a fugly. Do you think they'll catch who did it?'
    Dean: 'Don't bet on it, the coppers round here ain't got the skills. They should get CSI on the case, they'll crack it in no time.'
    Me: 'What's a CSI?'
    Dean: 'They're like the top detectives in America, they know the best tricks and they can find the clues that no one else has even thought of. It's not just on telly, it's real. I seen this one, there was this gang going round busting people up, like just with baseball bats and stamping on their heads and stuff.'
    Me: 'Why?'
    Dean: 'I dunno, just for a laugh. And there was no witnesses or nothing but CSI got this special computer program that can tell what kind of trainers you've got just from the pattern on the bottom, yeah? And they matched the footprints on the dead man's face to the killer's footprints, that's how they got him. It was well smart.'
    Me: 'That is well smart. They should do the same thing here. Maybe we could find the footprints.'
    Dean: 'Maybe, but our technology's shit though, innit. We ain't even got the right equipment. Oi, watch it!'
    Terry Takeaway nearly crashed into us. He was running like a maniac. He didn't even see us. He had a big tray of chickens under his arm. I knew it was too heavy. The tray slipped and some of the chickens fell off. Terry Takeaway didn't even stop, he just carried on running. His eyes were all big from concentrating, it was very funny. We had to jump out of the way.
    Butcher: 'Come back here you little f—er!'
    The butcher tried chasing him but he was too fat. He just gave up. The other pissheads were waiting outside on the big library steps. They all took a chicken and went running off in every direction. Even Asbo ran away. He just thought it was a game. He was barking like crazy. We even wanted them to get away. Asweh, it was very funny. Dean said we should come this way every day. We made it a new rule.
    I don't even know where the real chickens are. Everybody just buys them already dead and plucked. It even feels crazy. I miss their faces. Their dead eyes were