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label and that probably should is money. This, I believe, should merit the federal government’s full and immediate attention, for certainly the “misuse” of this product has frequently resulted in unwanted, even disastrous consequences. Money has led to unnecessary wars, depressions, recessions, and taxes, for example. It also leads to graft, corruption, and scandal. Look what it’s done to major league baseball, for one thing, or popular music, or the oil industry. Principally, it’s the only thing about us that the government is interested in; and if we happen to come into a little bit of it by virtue of labor or luck, the government is Johnny-on-the-spot to take most of it away. This leads to miserable frustration and an unhealthy attitude.
    On a personal level, the improper use of money routinely causes embarrassment and humiliation; it often motivates dangerous behavior, and if it’s misused frequently, it can result in destitution. It can wreck romance and destroy family harmony; it can also result in ridiculous displays of opulence and outrageous self-indulgence. People sometimes hoard it, making them mean and miserly; other people use it lavishly to gain unwarranted power and influence. Some people abuse it in attempts to buy friends or even lovers, and some misuse it to get rid of friends and lovers or even family members who are no longer wanted. If you stop to think about it, much of the misery in the world is caused by the improper use of money. Either there’s too much of it or not nearly enough. Trying too hard to get more can lead to “serious injury,” or at least a stretch in the calaboose, while failing to have enough can cause someone to sicken and die. But money carries no warning. Instead, it reminds us that we trust in God.
    Religion also carries no warning label, although it’s probably responsible for the rest of the serious problems in human history. Like most other things, if it’s used in a manner other than that for which it’s intended, the results can be devastating. Entire nations have even been destroyed because of it, whole populations wiped out entirely. Perhaps churches, synagogues, and mosques—as well as ashrams and temples, missions, shrines, tabernacles, oracles and altars—should carry warning signs. “Misuse of this faith can result in serious injury or even death.”
    That may be futile, though. Much as it’s been marketed, packaged, and sold, as much harm as it’s done, people still insist on their right to misuse it without “penalty of law.” I somehow doubt that any sort of warning would stop them. Still, it wouldn’t surprise me to see such a caution posted about it. No matter how much we believe in the rule of common sense and practical wisdom, there’s always some religious zealot out there ready to do something stupid designed to cause injury or death, and then to blame someone else when it doesn’t work out. And we are assured that religion was around long before there were such protective agencies as governments, even before there was money. Some would say that it’s been around even before the egg.
    Still, in the matter of the egg, I wonder if the federal government hasn’t gone too far. The point of the warning label on the basic egg is to caution people that the contents—yolk and white—might well be contaminated with deadly salmonella and that the egg needs to be fully cooked before consuming. Now, I had an Uncle Bob who used to like to have a raw egg in his beer, and I have seen many “hangover remedies” that called for ingesting a raw egg. In Rocky, Sylvester Stallone drinks a health food concoction that combined several raw eggs with some other equally disgusting ingredients before running five-hundred-sixty-three miles without throwing up; and I know that drugstore soda fountains used to offer the option of a raw egg in vanilla milkshakes back in the days when milkshakes were handmade, not squirted out of some high-tech machine that