Mysteries According to Humphrey Read Online Free Page A

Mysteries According to Humphrey
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Mrs. Wright said. “I’m the chairperson of the Committee for School Property. There are safety issues with having a ball in the classroom. And by the way, the noise level in this classroom is unacceptable. I could hear you all the way down the hall.”
    â€œWe were doing math,” Mr. E. said. “Right, class?”
    My friends all nodded.
    Mrs. Wright fingered the whistle and I braced myself for an unsqueakably loud noise. Luckily, none came.
    â€œThat’s funny,” she said. “I thought you were playing basketball.”
    Mr. E. smiled and looked at my classmates. “What were we playing?”
    â€œMathketball!” my friends all answered.
    Mrs. Wright frowned even more, if that’s possible. “Perhaps you can do math more quietly in the future,” she said. “Of course, I’m sure Mrs. Brisbane will be back tomorrow.”
    I crossed my paws and hoped that she was right.
    Oh, how I hoped that she was right.
    Because school with Mr. E. was making me VERY-VERY-VERY
piewhacked
!
    (That means “confused.”)
    Â 
    HUMPHREY’S DETECTIONARY: It’s not easy to solve the mystery of a missing person. Especially if you miss that missing person a lot!

3
    The Case of the Mystifying Mr. E.

    A fter Mrs. Wright left, Mr. E. said, “We’ve had enough Mathketball for today. But if I’m here again tomorrow, we’re going to have a Word War!”
    My friends seemed excited about that, but I was worried. Wasn’t Mrs. Brisbane coming back tomorrow? Where was she? What was wrong?
    I had no clue.
    I was ready for a nap, but right away, Mr. E. started another game called “Who’s Missing?”
    First, he picked Daniel to sit with his back to the classroom. Then, all the other students had to run around and switch places at their tables, except for one. He silently led Forgetful-Phoebe to the cloakroom to hide.
    Next, Daniel had to turn back and guess who was missing. It was a lot harder than it sounds, but he guessed Phoebe on the third try. (Which was a good thing, since Mr. E. only gave him three tries!)
    The class played the game over and over because everybody wanted a chance to be the guesser. I got drowsy after a while and went into my sleeping hut for a nap. And you know what? No one even noticed that
I
was missing! I know, because I ALWAYS-ALWAYS-ALWAYS wake up when I hear my name.
    When I came out again, my classmates were begging Mr. E. to read to them. He smiled and said, “Okay.”
    He reached into his big bag and pulled out a book.
    â€œNo!” Stop-Talking-Sophie said. “We want Sherlock Holmes!”
    â€œIt’s the red book on the desk,” Hurry-Up-Harry said. “Mrs. Brisbane’s reading us the story ‘The Red-Headed
League.’”
    Mr. E. made a face. “That’s too serious. My book is a lot more fun.”
    â€œSherlock Holmes—please!” Tall-Paul and Small-Paul both said.
    Soon, all my friends were saying, “Sherlock Holmes! Sherlock Holmes!”
    But Mr. E. sat down and opened his book.
    â€œCan you hear us? We REALLY-REALLY-REALLY want Sherlock Holmes!” I squeaked so hard, my whiskers wiggled and my ears jiggled.
    Even Og agreed. “BOING-BOING!”
    But Mr. E. went right ahead and read us jokes from his big joke book.
    I like jokes a lot, really I do. I especially like this one:
Why are frogs so happy? Because they eat whatever bugs them!
    I thought Og would like that one!
    Mr. E.’s jokes were funny. At least in the beginning they were funny.
    Like this one:
Where do you put a sick insect? In an ant-bulance!
    My friends laughed hysterically.
    I chuckled, too, but after a while, I started worrying about Mrs. Brisbane again. Then I couldn’t laugh at all.
    Finally, the laughter got quieter and quieter.
    Too-Helpful-Holly yawned and raised her hand. “Now could you read from the Sherlock Holmes book?” she asked. “It’s a
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