Scars of the Past Read Online Free

Maddie. I’m all done. Your back doesn’t have any concrete in it, but I’m going to get you some antibiotics to make sure it doesn’t get infected. You’re going to have some bruising around your body, including your pelvis, but there’s not much we can do about those.”
    She paused for a moment, choosing her next words wisely. “Physically, other than your back, you’re okay.”
    The unsaid was louder than the spoken words. ‘Physically fine, mentally… not so much.’
    I tried to smile at her, but my mouth felt incapable of smiling ever again, so instead I gave the requisite nod. “Thank you, Nicole.”
    She smiled at me before nodding at the Detective and disappearing through the door. She had only been gone for about five seconds when someone knocked on the open door and stepped in. He was probably almost six feet tall, his light brown hair was short and unruly on top of his head. He, like his partner, was also in a suit, but he had a bright red tie with black stripes hanging around his neck. He offered me a warm smile, which was instantly comforting.
    “Hi, I’m Detective Bradley. Is it okay if I sit with Detective Wilson while you give your statement?”
    “Yeah, that’s fine.” My voice sounded weak and tired, matching the rest of me.
    I told them the story of the night, starting from the moment we walked into the bar, and ending when Josh had led me to the break room. I couldn’t bear to look either of them in the eyes as I told them what happened. How I barely fought back, how I basically let him have sex with me against the wall, how I had an orgasm during all of this.
    “Oh Maddie,” Detective Wilson said, putting her notebook down. “Your body doesn’t always understand, but no one faults you for that. This isn’t uncommon in female victims.”
    I nodded, staring into my lap as I picked at a loose thread on my hospital gown. “I should have fought harder,” I whispered and wiped my face.
    “You did fight back, Maddie,” Detective Bradley chimed in, his voice full of compassion. I was glad he had come in to sit through the statement. The aura he gave off was so like Matthew’s that it was reassuring to have him there. “You told him ‘no’, you told him to stop. This is not your fault. Not in the slightest. Do you understand me?”
    I nodded again, still not looking up.
    “Maddie,” Detective Bradley said sternly. I looked up at him and his face was just as stern as his voice. “Do you understand me?”
    “I do.” I did, but it didn’t help. So many questions ran through my mind. What if I hadn’t had so much to drink? Could I have fought him off? What if I hadn’t gone outside? Would he have still tried at some point? What if I hadn’t shown him that any reaction of pleasure to it? Would it have been as fun for him?
    Detective Wilson cleared her throat, and stood up. “We’re going to find him, okay? Between the condom in the alley and the blood on your pants we have plenty of DNA to go off of.” She pulled a card out of her pocket and placed it on the table next to the bed. “This is my card. You call me if you remember something or if you just need anything, okay?”
    I picked up the card and looked at it for a moment. 
    ‘Patty Wilson, Detective: Sacramento Police Department’ 
    “Okay, thank you.”
    Detective Bradley moved towards me and held out another card. I took it, expecting it to be his card too, but instead it read: ‘Sarah Adams, Mental Health Counselor’
    I looked at Detective Bradley, and I noticed he had put the stern look back on his face. “You don’t have to, Maddie, but you should, okay? Just think about it.”
    The last thing I wanted to do was sit across from someone as they dissected the attack, while asking me ‘How does that make you feel?’ but I didn’t tell Detective Bradley that.
    “Okay,” I mouthed softly. He nodded, seemingly satisfied with my agreement, and raised his hand in farewell.
    “Remember Maddie- it’s not your