My Ex From Hell (The Blooming Goddess Trilogy) Read Online Free

muttered.
    “This fuzzy baby would flatten your kidneys, then make your red blood cells explode so you hemorrhaged internally. If you’re lucky, you’d die.”
    “Like you have one. If it even exists,” Anil retorted.
    I had to give him points for keeping up his bravado.
    Hannah leaned in toward him and tilted his chin up with one finger. “I can get anything online, Sugar. Want to test me?”
    Anil swallowed, uncomfortable.
    “So leave Sophie alone,” Hannah demanded, punctuating the order with a poke to his shoulder that made her chest shake and Anil stare in dumb silence.
    That most excellent threat had just died by boob jiggle-age.
    “Drool much?” a mocking voice broke in.
    I whirled to find Bethany behind me, in a bejeweled sari that must have cost more than entire Indian villages lived off in a year.
    She glanced at my costume with disgust. “Wannabe.”
    “So says Miss Exotic Other. How many children were harmed in your cultural appropriation?”
    “It was a purchase to aid a women’s collective in Rajasthan.”
    I made a gagging motion at her Indian accented pronunciation.
    “So much hostility,” she soothed. “I know a great pose for relieving stress. It involves shoving your head up your ass.”
    “I couldn’t steal your signature move. Oh wait. That’s shoving your head up the teachers’ asses. My bad.”
    Bethany opened her mouth to say something but instead gave a loud fart.
    “Gross,” Anil summed up.
    I contained my utter glee that my evil plan was working and instead fanned the air in front of my face vigorously.
    “It’s my high fiber diet. At least I won’t drop dead at thirty,” she retorted and flounced onto the dance floor.
    Anil turned to Hannah. “Wanna come enjoy a private party that’ll blow your mind?” Yup. Her rack had definitely wiped all potential danger signals from his hypothalamus. (Living with Hannah for years had taught me a thing or two.)
    She slitted her grey eyes in disgust. “I’d rather have spiders lay eggs in my brain.”
    “A date with Anil would run a close second,” Theo commented dryly.
    Anil didn’t find that funny. Away he stomped.
    Hannah immediately shrugged the encounter off. “Oooh. I love this song.” She grinned as the opening strains of the Bee Gee’s “Stayin’ Alive” came on. The portion of the evening catering to the teachers stuck chaperoning us. Turning their crankiness to happiness through nostalgic boogie down.
    Hannah enthusiastically began to sing along, getting all the words wrong as usual. “To the right. Do me, ‘kay. You make love the other way,” she mangled before stopping dead at Theo’s burst of laughter.
    “Those aren’t the lyrics, you idiot,” he snickered. “‘Other way?’ What did you think? Someone had an extra penis? Or used a foot or something?”
    Hannah went bright red. “Doggie style. As opposed to missionary position. Makes perfect sense.” Her lame attempt at a logical explanation only made Theo laugh harder.
    “Death by caterpillar is still on the table, Rockman,” she growled.
    I put my arms around their shoulders. “Friends, don’t fight. This is a happy night. Now keep Bethany in view so we can enjoy her gastric discomfort. I need to get to the bathroom before she does.”
    I was counting on her using the staff bathroom over the girls’ one off the gym. The one whose lock I’d had Theo teach me how to jimmy. It was private and conveniently located by the exit that led to the back field.
    In the event that someone caught me, I’d just say I was worried Bethany was going to make a horrible mistake by meeting this strange guy, and while my strategy was perhaps misguided (locking her in the bathroom), it was all for her safety. Desperate times and all that. Basically, lie my way out of trouble.
    After the number of talks we girls had gotten from the school about stranger danger, I had to be believed.
    I pulled Theo and Hannah out onto the floor with me. The next little while, I hung