Much Ado About Nothing Read Online Free Page A

– it’s the real thing.
    BENEDICK (muttering to himself): I’d have sworn this was a set-up, if Leonato wasn’t here.
    PEDRO: And has Beatrice told Benedickthat
she loves him
?
    LEONATO: No, and she swears she never will.
    CLAUDIO: Because she’s always treated him like dirt in the past.
    LEONATO: So she starts to write him a text message, telling him how she feels. Then she deletes it and starts again. I’ve heard it all from Hero. She says Beatrice thinks Benedick will only laugh if she sends it.
    CLAUDIO: Then she cries and tears her hair, whispering his name – ‘Sweet Benedick’!
    PEDRO: Maybe we should tell him.
    CLAUDIO: And let him mock her? Then she’d be even worse off, poor girl.
    LEONATO: I feel sorry for her.
    PEDRO: Ben’s a lucky guy. I think we should tell him.
    CLAUDIO: Hero’s scared Beatrice might kill herself if it all flies back in her face.
    PEDRO: But Ben wouldn’t be nasty, would he? Behind that tough-guy front I know there’s asoft centre – he can even be witty and charming when he’s in the mood. So shall we tell him?
    CLAUDIO: No!
    LEONATO: Yes!
    PEDRO: Let’s think about it some more.
    And these ham-actors walk off, giggling like schoolgirls, planning their next move. I’m going to leave them to it – let’s keep the camera on Benedick and see how he reacts.
    â€˜This can’t be a con!’ he mutters. He’s in shock. You can hear his brain booting up like a slow computer and I’m hoping he’s not so dazed that he walks straight into the pool. ‘They said everything with straight faces, and apparently it all came from Hero. They seemed sorry for Beatrice… Well, if she loves me, I guess I’d better love her back! I know I sometimes come across as being arrogant, so I’m not surprised Beatrice won’t admit how she feels. Getting married was never on my agenda … but Beatrice is a babe. So, that’s it – from now on, I’m gonna be madly in love with her,even if the guys do laugh at me. Sure, I said I would stay single, but that’s before I decided to tie the knot. Uh oh, here she comes now, and yeah, I think she’s definitely got the hots for me!’
    (Wrong again, Benedick.)
    Beatrice flounces up. ‘I’ve been sent to tell you dinner’s ready,’ she says.
    â€˜Thanks, babe,’ he simpers.
    (
Babe
? Are you kidding!)
    â€˜There’s nothing to thank me for. I wouldn’t have come if I’d found it a pain.’
    â€˜So, it was a
pleasure
?’
    â€˜Yeah, like having a knife at my throat. Listen, if you’re not hungry, just forget it.’ And she stalks off, leaving him to work it out.
    â€˜â€œI’ve been sent to tell you dinner’s ready”,’ he echoes. ‘There’s a double meaning in that! “I wouldn’t have come if I’d found it a pain”, which means she
wanted
to bring me the message. Well, I’m a lowlife if I don’t respond. Yes, I’ll definitely love her back!’

Act Three
Hotting Up or Cooling Down?

    Â 
    Love meters at the ready, everyone! You’re in for the biggest gossip-fest of the decade, and the question is, can Ben escape his playboy past and will wild-child Bea settle down with her man? 31% of viewers have called in to vote Yes, 69% said No. It’s Claudia Ricci, still here at the villa, with my finger on the pulse, and I promise you, thing are really hotting up.
    Move number one – Hero tells her friend Margaret the plan:
    â€˜Bring Beatrice out here onto the terrace and say that we’re talking about her. Persuade her to hide behind that stack of sun loungers so she can listen in on our conversation.’
    â€˜Got it!’ Margaret dashes off.
    Move number two – Hero brings her other girlfriend, Ursula, up to speed:
    â€˜We’re gonna wait until Bea’s in position, then we play Cupid. We’re gonna gossip