Ms. Sue Has No Clue! Read Online Free

were giving away gold or something. Even my parents bought a square of the soccer field.
    â€œPut your money on a square, any square!” shouted Ms. Sue into the bullhorn.
    â€œThis game sounds a lot like gambling,” said Little Miss Perfect. “I’m not sure that’s a good message to send to children.”
    â€œCan you possibly be more boring?” I said.
    â€œWhere do you think Ms. Sue got that cow?” Michael asked.
    â€œMy mom got it from Rent-A-Cow,” Alexia told him. “You can rent anything.”
    After all the grown-ups got their tickets, Ms. Sue brought Dr. Moo out to the middle of the soccer field.
    â€œLet the game begin!” shouted Ms. Sue as she released the cow.
    All the grown-ups started chanting and cheering for Dr. Moo to poop on their square. It was hilarious.
    â€œPoop on number six!” somebody shouted. “I could use a hundred bucks.”
    â€œNo, poop on number ten!” shouted somebody else.

    â€œPoop on number two, Dr. Moo!”
    Dr. Moo just stood there. Everyone was on pins and needles.
    Well, not really. We were sitting on the bleachers. If we were on pins and needles, it would have hurt. But everyone was watching Dr. Moo. He was standing in the middle of the field eating grass. It was exciting!
    Well, it was exciting for about a minute. After that, it was just a crowd of people watching a cow stand in the middle of a soccer field eating grass.
    â€œMooooooo,” mooed Dr. Moo.
    â€œWhat if Dr. Moo doesn’t poop at all?” somebody yelled.
    â€œOh, he’ll poop,” Ms. Sue replied. “They fed him just before bringing him over here.”
    â€œWhat if he poops on a line between two squares?” somebody asked.
    â€œI am the Official Pie Inspector,” said Ms. Sue. “I will determine which square has the most cow pie on it.”
    Dr. Moo took a few steps, and everyone got excited again. The parents with the musical instruments started playing a song. It was a weird song. Dr. Moo stared at the sky for a few minutes. He took a step forward. Then he took a step backward. Then he chewed for a while.
    â€œMooooooo,” mooed Dr. Moo.
    If you ask me, Cow Pie Bingo is the most boring game in the history of the world.
    â€œThis would be a good time for you folks to buy some lemonade and cupcakes,” shouted Ms. Sue into her bullhorn.
    It took about a million hundred hours, but finally something dropped out of Dr. Moo’s behind.
    â€œWe have a cow pie sighting!” Ms. Sue shouted excitedly as she ran over to inspect it. “It landed on . . . square number twenty!”
    â€œThat’s mine!” some guy shouted, jumping up and down. “I win!”
    The guy got his hundred dollars, and everybody cheered as he had his picture taken with Dr. Moo.
    Ms. Sue told us that Cow Pie Bingo had raised another thousand dollars for the school. She put the money into the money box.
    I looked at the giant thermometer. We were up to three thousand dollars now—more than halfway there. We needed just two thousand more dollars if we wanted to get the playground equipment and have Mr. Klutz spend a night in jail. *

7
You Should Have Been There
    â€œIt’s time for the Big Car Smash!” Ms. Sue shouted into her bullhorn.
    â€œCar smash?” we all asked. “What’s that?”
    She didn’t need to tell us the answer. At that moment, a tow truck came around the corner driven by our custodian, Miss Lazar. She was towing a junky old car. Miss Lazar put the car in the corner of the playground. Then she got out of the tow truck with a sledgehammer.
    â€œOne swing for one dollar,” she shouted. Then she took the sledgehammer, swung it over her head, and smashed the windshield of the car!
    It was cool! Me and the guys all rushed over to get on line.
    â€œSorry,” Ms. Sue told us. “For safety reasons, only grown-ups are allowed to participate in the car