Ms. Sue Has No Clue! Read Online Free Page A

smash.”
    Bummer in the summer!
    Smashing stuff up with a sledgehammer is cool. I can’t wait until I’m old enough to smash stuff up with a sledgehammer. I will do that all day long. If you ask me, they should have a whole TV channel devoted to smashing stuff up with sledgehammers.
    â€œWhy would anyone want to damage a car on purpose?” asked Andrea.
    â€œBecause it’s fun !” all the guys told her.
    â€œI don’t approve of violence,” she said.
    â€œWhat do you have against violins?” I asked. Andrea rolled her eyes.
    Just about all the dads—and a few moms—paid for a turn to hit the car with the sledgehammer. A few of them hit it over and over again. By the time they were finished, there was hardly anything left of the car. It was cool.

    â€œIt’s time to play Toilet Seat Toss!” Ms. Sue shouted into her bullhorn.
    Toilet Seat Toss is a lot like horseshoes, except that you toss toilet seats. So it has the perfect name. Instead of metal stakes in the ground, there were toilet bowl plungers. It cost a dollar to toss a toilet seat; and if you got a ringer, you would win a plastic bag with a goldfish in it.
    I decided not to play that game.
    â€œIt’s time for the beauty pageant!” Ms. Sue shouted into her bullhorn.
    Everybody came rushing over to the stage. There was a curtain across the front so we could only see the contestants’ high-heeled shoes. Ms. Sue asked everybody to donate a dollar to sponsor one of the contestants. Me and the gang pushed our way to the front so we would get a good view.
    â€œI don’t like beauty pageants,” Andrea said. “Beauty pageants disrespect women.”
    â€œI agree,” said Emily, who always agrees with everything Andrea says.
    â€œThat’s good,” Ms. Sue announced, “because there are no women in this beauty pageant.”
    She pulled opened the curtain. Guess who was standing there?
    Mr. Docker, Mr. Loring, Mr. Macky, Mr. Louie, Mr. Granite, Dr. Brad, Mr. Tony, and Mr. Harrison! And they were all wearing bathing suits and high heels!
    â€œAren’t they lovely?” asked Ms. Sue.
    The men paraded up and down the stage while this song “Isn’t She Lovely” played. Everybody was laughing their heads off. I thought I was gonna pee in my pants.
    Ms. Sue had us clap our hands really loud to decide which of the contestants was the most beautiful. The loudest applause was for Mr. Tony, so he won. I think it was because he has the most hair on his back. Ms. Sue put a crown on his head.

    It was hilarious. And we got to see it live and in person. You should have been there!
    After that, we all went over to the soccer field again, where Ms. Sue had set up a giant catapult that shot pumpkins across the field. People paid a dollar to shoot a pumpkin. Then we went into the gym and watched a game of donkey basketball. Yeah, with real donkeys!
    There was also a dunk tank, a Dress Your Pet contest, a teacher tug of war, a mud-wrestling contest for parents, and a bug-eating contest. I went to all of them and spent almost all the money my parents had given me. I only had one dollar left.
    The line on the giant thermometer kept getting higher and higher.
    â€œWe have now raised . . . four thousand dollars!” Ms. Sue shouted into her bullhorn.
    Everybody went crazy.

8
Getting Desperate
    Four thousand dollars seemed like a lot of money to me. But it wasn’t enough. We were still a thousand dollars short of our goal, and we were running out of time. It was getting late in the afternoon. People were starting to leave the carnival. It didn’t look like we were going to make it.
    If we didn’t reach five thousand dollars, there would be no new playground equipment. Mr. Klutz would not be spending a night in jail. Bummer in the summer!
    â€œDon’t go home, people!” Ms. Sue shouted into her bullhorn. “You need to buy a piece of duct tape