Motti Read Online Free Page B

interpret each instruction and order, and even if we’re punished for this, still the leash is firmly held, so we won’t run into the street, where massive trucks are swarming, ten thousand wheels racing blindly ahead.
    So every intelligent man must sleep with a map under the pillow. A folder full of maps, even. And every night, before going to sleep, you kiss your map. You say, thanks, thank you, dear map. Thank you, not for the roads but for the ends of roads. For it’s impossible to keep going endlessly. In the end comes the sea. Then, there will be dragons. But it’s not a map of the universe. That doesn’t end. On and on it goes, and there will always be more to go, and then where will we rest our heads at night?

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    At times he said to himself, I’m a small, frightened animal that lives in a dark forest, with soft fur and sharp teeth (so he said, though actually he was an elementary school teacher). I’m a small, frightened animal in a dense forest, and she, Ariella, is my gentle princess. Soon she will come and save me, will embrace me with her big arms.
    Say what you like, but even while fantasizing he’s never entirely anchored to the shore of dreams-come-true. He won’t allow this under any circumstances. His imaginary life, like his actual life (I won’t say his “active” life), is not a bed of roses, or lilies, or violets. Though he strives to keep his actual life trimmed and strong, more than once his imaginary life has grown wild, and this he allows. For example, it’s very possible that they’ll break up, he and Ariella, after the day comes when they’re finally together.
    After the first months of joy, when they hardly leave the bed, and when, if she’d go take a bath, he would come in after her and soap up her back, and they would giggle like children, after these months she will decide, let’s say, that she’s unsatisfied professionally, and she’ll go study at the university. He’ll encourage her like he always does, will make her coffee when she sits studying for exams at night, they’ll talk about Kant (let’s say), or maybe optics or the anatomy of the human hand (if she wants to become a doctor or something of that sort), and he’ll be embarrassed when she wants to go to student parties. Come on, he’ll tell her, everyone’s going to say, here’s Ariella again with her older boyfriend, what on earth does she see in him, and she’ll say, oh, silly, everyone will see how wonderful you are and be jealous, and he’ll laugh, and she’ll say, no, really, and then they’ll go to the party, and when he goes out to the bathroom he’ll come back and she’ll jump suddenly when she notices him, she’ll be sitting and talking with someone her age, and then she’ll say, ah, here’s Mordechai, he’s my boyfriend, and Motti will say, no need for Mordechai, Motti is just fine. And the one she’ll be speaking to will say, nice to meet you, and will smile uncomfortably. This one will be a friend of hers from school, he’ll start coming over to their place to study, and Motti will see Ariella being swept beyond his reach, and he’ll know where to, and even though there’s no chance, he’ll try to fix it, they’ll go on vacation, they’ll go to the same place as before even, the place they once were, where they did it for the first time, and she’ll sit next to him in the car, they’ll be silent sometimes, and sometimes they’ll speak like everything’s fine, she’ll sit next to him (he’ll drive) with a blank expression. If she gets a text message, what of it. It’s something about work, she’ll say (he won’t ask). And she’ll write a message in reply. Another message comes, another message sent. That blank expression the whole time, and if he tilts the mirror he’ll be able to see her blush, blush just a