self from now on.
Look out Overworld! Here comes Zombie Steve!
Sunday
The villagers I live with invited me to dinner tonight with the Priest that runs the town.
They said that all of the important villagers in the town would be there.
I didn’t know what that meant. But I said yes anyway.
I thought, this would be the perfect opportunity for me to be my Zombie self again.
So the first thing I did was to make sure I smelled right.
There was a pig farmer in the village, so I decided to roll around with the pigs for a little while.
One thing I love about pigs is that out of all of the different animals, they smell the closest to what Zombies smell like.
I made sure to rub some cow pies on me too, to add a bit more zest to the mix.
My breath was only a little stinky because I didn’t brush my teeth this morning. So I decided to spice it up with a little help of some stinky gym socks I was saving for a rainy day.
My clothes didn’t have enough holes on them, so I tore a few more.
And what really topped it off, was a nice infestation of maggots in my hair, ears and clothes.
I had a bunch left over, so I just kept the rest in my pocket for a snack later.
Aaahhh. I felt like my old self again.
I thought, “Look Out Overworld! Look Out villagers! Zombie Steve is here!”
I got lost on my way to the Priests house. So, I tried to ask for directions. But people were just looking at me with that same confused look on their face, all over town.
I wonder if there’s something in the water that’s making them look like that? Too much of that can’t be good for you, I thought.
So I finally found the Priest’s house, and it was really, really big. I think they said that the Priest is the Mayor of the village, whatever that means. It probably just means you have a big house.
I knocked and a waiter villager answered the door. Again, he had that confused look on his face. But this time he ran away holding his mouth like if he had a bug that was trying to get out or something.
That happens to Zombies all the time whenever the tapeworms in our stomachs grow too big. When they start coming out, I like to play with them and act like I have a really long tongue.
Well, I went in, and after walking around for a few minutes, I finally found the dining room.
As soon as I walked in, I saw a bunch of villagers in different colored robes.
All of a sudden, their faces changed color. One lady turned blue. Another man turned purple. One guy turned really white. And another villager turned green.
It was really cool. I didn’t know humans could change colors like that.
What was even cooler was how they made their faces match the color of their robes. What control! I thought.
I saw an empty seat so I sat down in it. It’s was actually the seat right next to the Priest and his wife. I pulled my hand out of my pocket to shake hands with the Priest’s wife, but I forgot that I had a pocket full of maggots.
“Oops. Sorry about that. I forgot I had some extra maggots in my pocket. Does anybody wants some?”
Next thing I know everybody at the table starts puking.
What was really cool was how they puked one right after the other, all around the table. It reminded me of the Zombie wave we used to do when my dad would take me to Zombie baseball games.
Now it started to feel like home.
The villagers I live with were running a little late. So when they got there, all of the other villagers were either sleeping on the table, under the table, or on the floor.
I was just having fun making vomit angels on the floor, like I do at home with my Mom and Dad. There wasn’t the usual amount of vomit that we have when we play at home, but it was still cool.
The villagers’ eyes got real big and their mouths were hanging open.
Then they started making a funny noise… “HURRRRR, HURRRRR, HURRRRR.” Was all they would say.
“HURRRRR, HURRRRR, HURRRRR.” Was all they said on the way home, too.
I guess they must have been really sad