Me Being Me Is Exactly as Insane as You Being You Read Online Free Page B

actually went to elementary school together and were even in the same first/second grade split class. In fact, Darren’s pretty sure he was at her seventh birthday party. But then Zoey went off to private school for like eight years or something, so when she showed up at North High last year it took him a couple of weeks to even recognize her, because she was just a little girl back then but definitely isn’t now, even though she’s still pretty small.
    He hasn’t had a single class with her yet (she’s in eleventh grade, which doesn’t help), but they’ve sort of randomly wound up eating near each other in the cafeteria, and every once in a while he times his trip to the garbage can to coincide with hers. They’ve had maybe four conversations, or exchanges, just really brief things, like, he’ll make a comment about the unopened yogurt drink she’s throwing out. And she’ll always say something that doesn’t really mean anything, something like “whatever” or—well, she usually just says “whatever.” But one time, before saying “whatever,” she sort of looked at Darren, right at him, for a moment or two, her pale face either curious or confused, and it was then that he realized she may be the saddest person at North High, sadder than him, even. And so he would hug her if she ever asked.

13 Adjectives Darren Wouldn’t Be Surprised to Hear His Peers Using to Describe Him
    1.  Chubby
    2.  Nice
    3.  Awkward
    4.  Smart, kinda
    5.  Vegetarian
    6.  Weird
    7.  Quiet
    8.  Slow
    9.  Lame
    10.  Curly haired
    11.  Cute, sorta
    12.  Unimportant
    13.  Whatever

1 Girlfriend Darren Has Had Since Fourth Grade
    1.  MELANIE RUBIN
    At the end of middle school there was a big end-of-the-year trip to Six Flags for all the eighth graders. About a week before the trip, Jesse Desmond somehow decided that it would be cool for there to be couples, because then the couples could each ride all the two-person rides alone together. Like the Condor and the Orbit. The next thing Darren knew, there were like eleven new couples at school, not that the couples were really doing anything couply at all.
    And it wasn’t like Darren was super against being in one of these new couples, but that doesn’t mean he was going to do anything to become part of one either. Only on the bus ride to Six Flags, right near the end actually, Ashley Reeves, who got paired up with Mason Nichols the day before, walked down the aisle of the bus and whispered to Darren, “Hey, Melanie would go out with you if you want.” Darren said, “Okay,” as in, “Uh, I don’t really know how to respond to that information.” But when he got off the bus, and Melanie was waiting for him and smiling a little, he realized that Ashley thought he said a different kind of “okay.”
    Anyhow, he and Melanie didn’t even hang out that much. Because it’s not like Darren is a daredevil, exactly, but Melanie pretty much wouldn’t ride anything scarier than the Little Dipper, which is this tiny little roller coaster that the other kids rode only as a joke. They did share some cotton candy, though, just him and Melanie. After which Darren held her hand for a few minutes while they walked to Buzzy Bees. Their hands were sticky and sweaty, but Darren didn’t mind, and he’s pretty sure Melanie didn’t either. It was almost okay.
    All the couples pretty much just dissolved before the first week of summer was over, which was just as well with Darren, because Bugs didn’t have a girlfriend that day and was kind of mad at Darren for going off with Melanie like that. She moved to Deerfield that summer, so he hasn’t seen her since. Not even once. Now that he thinks about it, Darren’s not all that sure Melanie Rubin really counts.

2 Places on a Body-Weight-Distribution Graph (for Someone His Height) Darren Could