Me Being Me Is Exactly as Insane as You Being You Read Online Free

weights lately, something, Darren supposes, a gay dad might do on a pretty regular basis.
    4.  ONE TWO-HUNDRETHS OF A MILE AND GROWING
    Once Darren retracts himself from their hug, he heads upstairs to his room, this being the extent of his present plan for absorbing his dad’s announcement. At the top of the stairs Darren stops and notices some chocolate on the tip of his thumb, which he therefore inserts into his mouth, but only for a moment or two, as Darren was never a thumb-sucker, not even as a much younger child.

3 People Darren Has an Urge to Text but Can’t. So He Just Texts Himself, What the Fuck? Which He First Did, a Little Bit as a Joke, around Two Years Ago
    1.  His old friend Bugs, who moved away the summer before high school started and now lives in the Pacific Time Zone, where it’s not even six in the morning yet, meaning he’s not awake unless his parents (who are still married and both straight, as far as Darren knows) are having an argument in the kitchen over whether or not today would be a good day for Bugs’s dad to come on over and tell Bugs he’s gay
    2.  Nate, also asleep
    3.  His mom, on a plane

1 Additional and Perhaps Actually Main Reason His Parents Got Divorced
    1.  Duh

16 Freestanding Messages on Darren’s Phone That Together Add Up to the Closest Thing Darren Has to a Diary
    1.  Me: What the fuck. Sent: February 4
    2.  Me: What the fuck. Received: February 4
    3.  Me: What the fuck? Sent: March 26
    4.  Me: What the fuck? Received: March 26
    5.  Me: What the fuck. Sent: May 14
    6.  Me: What the fuck. Received: May 14
    7.  Me: WTF. Sent: July 4
    8.  Me: WTF. Received: July 4
    9.  Me: What. The. Fuck. Sent: October 11
    10.  Me: What. The. Fuck. Received: October 11
    11.  Me: What the fuck fuck fuck. Sent: December 20
    12.  Me: What the fuck fuck fuck. Received: December 20
    13.  Me: What the fuck. Sent: December 20
    14.  Me: What the fuck. Received: December 20
    15.  Me: What the fuck? Sent: April 24
    16.  Me: What the fuck? Received: April 24

3 Strategies for Avoiding His Father That Darren Briefly Contemplates Before Returning Downstairs with His Backpack
    1.  Climbing out his window and leaping to the ground, which he thinks about long enough to decide that even if he tossed his pillow and blanket out first, they wouldn’t break his fall enough
    2.  Building a time machine out of his iPhone, a half-built solar-powered radio he got for his eleventh birthday, and maybe, who knows, some dirty underwear, so he can travel to the 1890s, which Nate once told him was probably the least-messed-up decade in the past 150 years
    3.  Hiding in his closet, which he considers the longest and most seriously, until he remembers that whole “coming out of the closet” thing, which, in significantly different circumstances, he might find funny, but right now not even a little bit

10 Subjects Darren and His Dad Do Not Discuss during Their Drive to School
    1.  Global warming
    2.  The chances of a musician making a decent living in the age of digital file sharing
    3.  The pros and cons of social media
    4.  The prospects for a peaceful settlement of the Arab-Israeli conflict
    5.  His dad’s sexual orientation
    6.  Women’s reproductive rights
    7.  What exactly will happen when the planet’s oil reserves have been used up
    8.  The likelihood of complex life existing somewhere else in the universe
    9.  The fact that Darren and his dad are supposed to drive together for more than four hours tomorrow in order to visit Nate, which means, obviously, that his dad made his announcement this morning to give Darren some time to begin digesting the fact that Dad = Gay, all so that by the time tomorrow rolls around and they get back into his dad’s sporty homobile, they’ll be able to really talk about it at great length and without interruptions, oh joy
    10.  The