Manslations Read Online Free

don't pee on the ground. (Most of the time, anyway. Okay, sometimes in an emergency or as a signature in a snowbank.)
     
    I've been in plenty of situations where I've said (and believed) that “nothing's wrong” and I “didn't want to break up,” but my legs (who don't take orders from the same guy that controls my mouth) were already walking, telling me, “Sorry, pally. It's time to am-scray, vamoose, twenty-three skiddoo.” *
     
    If you can remember to pay attention to what a man is doing, you will never again need to be confused by what he's saying. Behavior tells the truth. There is zero point in using a man's words to figure out where he's at. You might as well ask your dog those questions they have at the end of Inside the Actors Studio. **
     

THE TWO BIG QUESTIONS
    So now that we've established that a man's behavior tells the truth, let's talk a little bit about how to interpret that behavior.
     
    If you find yourself wondering how a man feels about you… stop wondering. Just leave your wonderer on pause, because it's obvious how he feels about you. Look at his behavior (and, as we said, not his words) and ask yourself two questions:
     
Might he think *** that this behavior will get him laid?
Might he think that this behavior will maximize his time with you?
    That's it. These are the two keys to interpreting all male behavior. And yes, you need both, or it's no good. If you've seen as many movies that involve the firing of nuclear missiles as I have (i.e., “all of them”), then you know that they require two keys to launch. If only one of the guys uses his key, you can't launch anything. At that point, all you can do is yell at the other guy to put in that second key (which, if he does, will then require Jack Bauer to get there quickly and start punching). *
     
    Let's break it down.
     
If the answer to the Two Big Questions is “no,” then he doesn't like you.
If the answer to number one is yes and number two is no, he wants to have sex with you but doesn't like you that much.
If the answer to number two is yes and number one is no, he's a close relative. Or a woman. Or an itinerant eunuch. Whatever he is, he's probably not your man.
    Why these two questions? On its own, the first question is not an indicator of anything other than exactly what it says. Knowing that a man wants to have sex with you doesn't tell you much. It tells you that he thinks that having sex with you might be fun (and who am I to argue with him?).
     
    A lot of women stop here. “He wants me like crazy. He must really like me.” This is a huge misconception, and we'll get deeper into it in the next chapter. But for now, just know that sexual attraction for a man has zero to do with liking you. Any man is perfectly capable of desiring a sexual encounter with a woman whom he actively dislikes. Yes. Any man. That doesn't mean that all men pursue sex with women they don't like. All I'm saying is there's no link between wanting to have sex with a woman and liking anything else about her.
     
    Now, from my experience with telling women about this, I can hear some of you out there right now:
     
    He's generalizing. I don't believe that all men are really like that.
     
    I know you don't believe it. That's how men get you into bed, even when you're way out of their league. That's why you need this book—to keep your bed (and your life) stocked with only the finest, most worthy men.
     
    So if his sexual desire for you doesn't tell you anything, how do we know if he likes you? That's where the second question comes in.
     
    What does maximizing his time spent with you have to do with anything? Answer: A “player” wants to do the opposite. A guy who only wants to have sex with you will spend as little non-sex time with you as he can get away with. He'll put in exactly what he believes is the bare minimum of effort required to remove any and all obstacles to humping (i.e., suspicion, sobriety, good judgment, morals, standards,