Laughing Gas Read Online Free Page B

didn't hear a voice then, by any chance, did you?'
    The chap said that he thought he had heard someone say something about eggs.
    'Oh, you did hear it?'
    'Eggy, you old ass,' I said.
    This time he turned, and stood staring at me. His face was drawn and anxious.
    'Reggie?' he said, in a doubting sort of way.
    He blinked a couple of times, then put a hand out and prodded my chest cautiously. As his finger touched solid shirt-front, a look of relief spread over his features.
    'Phew!' he said.
    He asked the chap behind the bar for another Scotch, and it was not until he had received and taken a liberal swig of this that he spoke again. When he did, his voice was grave and reproachful.
    'If you know me a million years, Reggie, old man,' he said, wiping a bead of persp. from his brow, 'never do a thing like that again. I thought you were thousands of miles away, and when I heard your voice, all ghastly and hollow ... calling my name ... like a ruddy banshee ... It's the one thing I'm scared of, hearing voices,' he said. 'I'm told that till you do that you're all right, but once the voices start coming it's the beginning of the end.'
    He shuddered and finished the rest of his drink at a gulp. This appeared to complete the cure, for he became easier in his manner.
    'Well, well, well,' he said, 'so you're here, are you, Reggie? Ages since I saw you last. Six months come Sheffield Wednesday, or thereabouts. What on earth are you doing in Hollywood?'
    'I came to see you.'
    ‘ You did?'
    'Yes.'
    'Pretty cousinly. Have a spot. I can recommend the Scotch. Bar-bloke, would you be so good as to mix a Scotch and soda for my relative here and the same for me.'
    I attempted to dissuade.
    'I wouldn't have any more.'
    'You haven't had any yet.'
    'If I were you, I mean. You're sozzled already.'
    'Half sozzled,' he corrected, for he is rather exact in these matters.
    'Well, half sozzled, then. And it's only ten o'clock.'
    'If a man isn't half sozzled by ten o'clock, he isn't trying. Don't you worry about me, Reggie, old man. You don't understand the wonders of the Californian climate yet. So superbly bracing is it that day by day in every way you can put away all you want to, and not a squawk from « the old liver. That's what they mean when they speak of California as an earthly Paradise, and that's why train-loads of people are pouring in all the time from the Middle West with their tongues hanging out. I expect that's why you came here, isn't it?'
    'I came to see you.'
    'Oh, yes. You told me that, didn't you?' 'Yes.'
    'And did I say it was cousinly?' 'Yes.'
    'And so it is. Most cousinly. Where are you staying?'
    'I've got a bungalow at a place called the Garden of the Hesperides.'
    'I know it well. Have you a cellar?'
    'I've got a bottle of whisky, if that's what you mean.'
    'It's precisely what I mean. I shall make a point of looking you up. A fellow can't have too many oases. Meanwhile, drink hearty and have another.'
    Something about all this had been puzzling me, and now I discovered what it was. On the train, I remembered, I had spoken of Eggy to April, and she had specifically stated that she didn't know him. Yet here he was, at her house, throwing his weight about like a reveller in a comic opera.
    'What are you doing here?' I asked, resolved on probing this mystery.
    'Having a dashed good time,' he responded heartily, 'and all the better for the sight of your honest face. Delightful, seeing you again, Reggie. Later on, you must tell me what brought you to California.'
    'You don't know April June?'
    'April who?'
    'June.'
    'What about her?' 'I was saying, you don't know her.' 'No, but I'd love to. Any friend of yours. If she is a friend of yours.' 'This is her party.' 'It does her credit.' 'You weren't invited.' His face cleared.
    'Now I understand. Now I see what you're driving at. Good heavens, laddie, you don't have to be invited to go to people's parties in Hollywood. You just saunter along till you see coloured lanterns, and walk in.